Baka: Stupid, uninformed, Crazy

Gaijin: Slang for Gaikokujin or foreigner; see also nigger, honky,  haole, farang, gweilo, kike, spic, etc ad nauseam

 

You might be a Baka Gaijin if…

  1. …Your idea of safe sex is avoiding girls that hang-out in Roppongi.
  2. Numa Numa Yei is natsukashi.
  3. …You have a running tab at TGI Fridays in either Shibuya or Roppongi.
  4. …Your running tab at TGI Fridays isn’t even under your actual name, but some obvious physical feature; Mohawk, fat-short, big glasses, bad smell
  5. …You know how to say “Brothers of the hole” in Japanese, and you actually know whose brother is whose.
  6. … You have a point card from a shitty love hotel.
  7. …You think “Hanami” is an actual national holiday.
  8. …You spent all your money on conbini beers and the only food you can eat till payday is kyu-syoku.
  9. You’re barely surviving as a recruiter but keep telling everyone you’re “in finance”.
  10. …You keep trying to convince other gaijin that “Seriously, Saitama is a really cool place to live.
  11. …You’ve ever cheated the train fare buying a child’s ticket, and got caught.
  12. …You pay more in rent than most friends back home do on their mortgage and you live in a shoe-box.
  13. …You’re over 50, single, living in said shoe-box, working the same job for the same pay as 20 years ago and still think you’re “living the dream.”
  14. …You try to tell people about the subtle complexities of natto, but you think broccoli is “yucky.”
  15. …You can explain the concept of Wabisabi to people back home but you can’t say “Do you have change?” in Japanese.
  16. …You like manga Japanese dorks have never even heard of.
  17. …You wear shorts in November because “legs don’t get cold.”
  18. …Your idea of a luxurious Christmas dinner involves KFC and a six pack of Asahi.
  19. …Your most commonly used Japanese phrase is “Nomihodai!”
  20. …Your son’s name is “Yousuke” because, “Fucking Japanese Condoms…
  21. …Your emergency fund consists of 20,000 points on your HUB card.
  22. …You haven’t touched a condom in over a decade because, JAPAN.
  23. …Your home is furnished entirely with other people’s junk.
  24. Conbini Beers! Because it’s Lunch time on Tuesday.
  25. …Stacy’s and Tracy’s have been completely replaced with Tomoko’s and Haruka’s.
  26. …You have these two books side by side on your shelf: Making out in Japanese and Game of Thrones.
  27. …You can’t read Kanji but you can operate a Karaoke machine.
  28. …Most of your first dates include HUB points and the word Yada.
  29. …You know what a platform pizza is.
  30. …You’ve stepped in a platform pizza.
  31. …You’ve Made your own platform pizza…and then stepped in it.
  32. …You’re girlfriend’s origin story involves a language exchange, a 100yen izakaya and breakfast at Matsuya.
  33. …You saved big on your honeymoon by going on the Booze Cruise.
  34. …”Please Manner Mode” means mobile devices off but one cups bottoms up.
  35. …You only drink on Saturday, unless it’s Wednesday.
  36. PPAP is not a joke, it’s your job description.
  37. …You can say “Cock” twenty different ways in Japanese but still don’t know how to say “savings account”.
  38. …You actually said you’re “More of a Daily Yamazaki man myself.”
  39. …You had a great time at TDL, Shitfaced.
  40. …You have more than one Ninja weapon in your home, but no land line.

 

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