Baka: Stupid, uninformed, Crazy
Gaijin: Slang for Gaikokujin or foreigner; see also nigger, honky, haole, farang, gweilo, kike, spic, etc ad nauseam
You might be a Baka Gaijin if…
- …Your idea of safe sex is avoiding girls that hang-out in Roppongi.
- …Numa Numa Yei is natsukashi.
- …You have a running tab at TGI Fridays in either Shibuya or Roppongi.
- …Your running tab at TGI Fridays isn’t even under your actual name, but some obvious physical feature; Mohawk, fat-short, big glasses, bad smell
- …You know how to say “Brothers of the hole” in Japanese, and you actually know whose brother is whose.
- … You have a point card from a shitty love hotel.
- …You think “Hanami” is an actual national holiday.
- …You spent all your money on conbini beers and the only food you can eat till payday is kyu-syoku.
- …You’re barely surviving as a recruiter but keep telling everyone you’re “in finance”.
- …You keep trying to convince other gaijin that “Seriously, Saitama is a really cool place to live.“
- …You’ve ever cheated the train fare buying a child’s ticket, and got caught.
- …You pay more in rent than most friends back home do on their mortgage and you live in a shoe-box.
- …You’re over 50, single, living in said shoe-box, working the same job for the same pay as 20 years ago and still think you’re “living the dream.”
- …You try to tell people about the subtle complexities of natto, but you think broccoli is “yucky.”
- …You can explain the concept of Wabisabi to people back home but you can’t say “Do you have change?” in Japanese.
- …You like manga Japanese dorks have never even heard of.
- …You wear shorts in November because “legs don’t get cold.”
- …Your idea of a luxurious Christmas dinner involves KFC and a six pack of Asahi.
- …Your most commonly used Japanese phrase is “Nomihodai!”
- …Your son’s name is “Yousuke” because, “Fucking Japanese Condoms…“
- …Your emergency fund consists of 20,000 points on your HUB card.
- …You haven’t touched a condom in over a decade because, JAPAN.
- …Your home is furnished entirely with other people’s junk.
- …Conbini Beers! Because it’s Lunch time on Tuesday.
- …Stacy’s and Tracy’s have been completely replaced with Tomoko’s and Haruka’s.
- …You have these two books side by side on your shelf: Making out in Japanese and Game of Thrones.
- …You can’t read Kanji but you can operate a Karaoke machine.
- …Most of your first dates include HUB points and the word Yada.
- …You know what a platform pizza is.
- …You’ve stepped in a platform pizza.
- …You’ve Made your own platform pizza…and then stepped in it.
- …You’re girlfriend’s origin story involves a language exchange, a 100yen izakaya and breakfast at Matsuya.
- …You saved big on your honeymoon by going on the Booze Cruise.
- …”Please Manner Mode” means mobile devices off but one cups bottoms up.
- …You only drink on Saturday, unless it’s Wednesday.
- …PPAP is not a joke, it’s your job description.
- …You can say “Cock” twenty different ways in Japanese but still don’t know how to say “savings account”.
- …You actually said you’re “More of a Daily Yamazaki man myself.”
- …You had a great time at TDL, Shitfaced.
- …You have more than one Ninja weapon in your home, but no land line.
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I can’t be sure 100% but I bet this funny article is most likely an description (accuracy 90%) of your own self experiences in Japan. Dude you are a funny guy. LMAO.
50% me, the rest I have visual confirmation of.
Platform pizzas are a transcultural phenomenon. Also disgusting. Find a fucking garbage bin already. The poor Sunday janitors’ are already used to it, that’s what the hose is for.
(Not in Tokyo: When you’re so drunk you think you’re going to die, but have the discernment to dial 911 for an ambulance, only to have them come and give you a verbal beat down, because you’re a fucking drunkard who just called for a fucking ambulance because you’re, well, drunk.)
I see your logic, but I am choosing to ignore it, and love myself.