Do you know Japanese Sushi?
It is Japanese food O-Mochi.
Can you eat Japanese Tempura?
This is Japanese Miso.
I can’t pinpoint, on my timeline, when exactly I first encountered Japanese food but I remember thinking: “Not bad.”
NOT BAD.
Now, twenty-something years later, nothing about that initial appraisal has changed. Japanese is…okay. It’s pretty good. It’s fine.
It’s Not Bad.
There are those who will go on and on, even those who have never lived in Japan (particularly those) about how immaculately conceived the Japanese gastronomic experience is. However, after 12 years in Tokyo and endless meals at every type of conceivable eatery the city has to offer, I’m still stuck at “Meh, not bad.”
Not to say I haven’t had some amazing food here. Not at all. But generally speaking, and speaking purely about Japanese cuisine, it applies.
Now, why is this? Is my palette so antiquated or, God forbid, American, that I simply cannot fathom the culinary delight which is Washoku? Perhaps. Perhaps my taste buds are too Euro-centric? I did after all spend my formative years split between America’s East coast and Western Europe. I clearly remember returning to America for the second year of high school and being appalled at what passed for breakfast. It was a horror show.
I’m not obsessed with the “Western diet”. On a day-to-day basis in my own life I eat very few processed foods. Fresh vegetables, meat and fish are all staples. I like GOOD food and although I realize this is very subjective, culturally something has to give. Is the Emperor wearing no clothes (Akihito, you minx!) and does the whole world worship Japanese food for no good reason? Or is there something more to it? In addition to this why do the Japanese feel compelled to worship their food, even Onigiri, a dish so simple it’s just some balled up rice with sea weed wrapped around it, as if it was the very physical manifestation of God?
“Can you eat Japanese Sushi?” She asked.
Well, we’re sitting in a Sushi restaurant and I just popped some Salmon in my mouth. You do the math and let me know what you come up with.
It might be a good idea to split Japanese food into two distinct classes and discuss them honestly.
Category One: Japanese Flag Ship Foods
Sushi, Tempura, Yakitori, Unagi…the list goes on. These are lauded and loved from Osaka to Oberammagau and back again. One never hears enough about the orgasmic experiences people, the world over, have while devouring these Japanese mainstays. What’s more is that I agree. Particularly with Sushi. My love affair with Sushi is long and runs deep. Many times I’ve found myself sitting at a Sushi bar, someplace in Tsukiji, while an obscenely fresh piece of Otoro seemingly melts on my tongue with a frigid beer to wash it down at six in the morning.
Divine.
My observation though is as follows: Most Japanese people, day-to-day, just don’t eat any of these foods.
Last month, after having this discussion with a friend we both agreed to ask every Japanese national we met at work when the last time they had eaten sushi was. It was a busy Wednesday at work and I spoke with 28 people. 3 of them had eaten Sushi in the last week. My friend had similar results with 18 people polled and 2 having had Sushi within the last week.
Anecdotal yes, but instructive. The food that the world so reveres from Japan is all show food. It isn’t what the country gets by on at all.
Contrast this with countries like Italy, Germany, England and Thailand. Italians eat Carbonara and Pizza; it isn’t reserved for graduation ceremonies. The krauts are always drinking beer and eating sausage. What self-respecting Englishman doesn’t want to have a Cottage pie and a pint after work, and when I lived in Thailand, we all ate Pad Thai and other famous Thai dishes on the regular.
Logically the next question is “What do the Japanese actually eat?”
Category Two: Peasant food
“Ohayou! Can’t wait to eat! What’s for breakfast?”
When I imagine the scowling faces and the soul-broken dead eyes of the typical salary-man in the morning I totally get it: Waking up to a bowl of rice, some Natto, Kimchi, a fried egg and Miso Soup would make me want to jump in front of a train as well. I’ve had these dishes many, many times. I’ve had these dishes prepared and served in many different ways. The end result has been the same: Uh, No.
I know, at this very moment some of you Gaijin Heroes are swooping in to fight the good fight and inform me about how ignorant I am. Well, I would like to preemptively block your courageous assault with a scientific fact:
Natto smells like a sweaty dark butthole and tastes about the same. But you’re more likely to get a kiss after tossing that bad-boy than you are after choking down another pack of fermented broken dreams.
This is why the packs come with both soy sauce and mustard because nobody, especially not the people worshiping it, have any desire to woof down straight Natto in the A.M.
Lunch and a typical dinner don’t improve much at all. Rice, Miso soup, blandly grilled fish, pickles etc are all traditional Japanese fare which is commonly consumed. Add in the occasional “curry rice” which is depressing, and the standard conbini and bento shop take away and one is left with a quite solid excuse to aggressively take up alcoholism.
Which many do. I would love to see the definition of “Functional Alcoholic” in Japanese. It must be something like this:
I understand these foods are “healthy” for the most part, but why is that? In the end so much of Japan’s famous longevity boils down to simple portion control. The Japanese just don’t eat as much as Western people. Sushi lovers, you’re sitting at the counter. Now, look to your right and then to your left. How many plates of Sushi have the other patrons had? If you are in Japan, typically, 5 or 6. Now, how many plates have you had?
Sushi can have between 280 and 360 calories per plate. The rice has added sugar. The guy next to you has eaten 5 plates. You have had 15. Do the math, I dare you. You can get a 2 piece with a large sweet tea from Bojangles and that’s about half the calorie count you just put down with that healthy Sushi.
The Japanese can afford to have a few high calorie Sushi meals as well because their peasant meal plan of rice, pickles and bland soups will put them in a massive caloric deficit until they drink to the edge of death at the next company “nomikai“.
We have established that the image and the reality aren’t the same.
So finally I ask…
Why the deep and trembling worship of these simple and, some might say, boring foods?
I don’t know. I can’t figure it out. “Healthy!” Yeah, yeah. But that’s primarily down to portion control (which is eroding) and probiotics in the diet (also vanishing); Taco Bell, anyone?
I have no answers. Something cultural perhaps? Or the same reason everyone said foreign skis wouldn’t work on Japanese snow?
I’m not making this up: Mastering the Art of Japanese Home Cooking
I’ve been to many, many places and have never encountered anyone, any group of people, who so deeply revere what are essentially the day-to-day chow of the masses. And most of the places I have been had food I would consider, easily, to be far more enticing and often far healthier then what the Japanese insist is magical about some pickles and rice.
At this point I’ve lost my patience and instead of explaining that most Japanese food I encounter reminds me of something, both in taste and smell, that I might find in my Grandmother’s kitchen, just slimmier, I have opted to nod and give my stock answer.
Not Bad.
Gaijinass 
Agreed. Agreed. And agreed.
I love sushi more than anything. Some good ramen places, though just turned veggie so they’re out. I nearly fall asleep I supermarkets looking at the same bland sauces and processed plop.
Anyway! I’m more interested in the 12 years in tokyo part. Been here 3 years myself, though in 10 days time I’m outta here to my beloved New Zealand (though I’m not from there). So! Id be interested in an article (coz I think it warrants a full article) about why those of you who are in it for the long haul decide so. There’s zero snarkyness or anything but honestly, if I want leaving in 10 days Id explode. I’m done, as I repeatedly tell my gf. Done done done. Enough! So from genuine interest Id like to hear it from someone who isn’t bonkers, and you seem level headed and smart so Id like to hear what makes you say ‘Yep! I’m dropping anchor here, folks!’. As with many things its just interesting how one thing can divide opinion so much, and Japan is a divider of opinions if f ever I saw one.
This is something I could get into. Thanks for the advice. I haven’t thought about it myself. Perhaps because my anchor never goes too far beneath the surface. Good luck in NZ by the way it’s on my list of to hit spots.
I agree to every pixel of this post. I’ve been here for 3 months, tried a lot of Japanese traditional foods and only tempura got a “very good” from me.
I’ve realized that Japanese people don’t enjoy eating. In fact, they eat so they keep functioning. Look at how they eat in any food place and you’ll realize Japanese just swallow their food like ducks, albeit noises, occasional burping and open mouth chewing.
Sadly, I have to agree, the open mouth chewing is tough. It is tough to deal with.
Reading this makes my desiniocs easier than taking candy from a baby.
Hallelujah! I needed this-you’re my savior.
You could put pickles on a dog turd and I would eat it.
I have to agree about the natto. I did my best to like it but I can’t lie anymore. It is the culinary equivalent of a Sweet Valley High novel.
I have eaten natto lots of times, when I was poor and had no money I survived on natto and canned tuna fish. Natto was cheap and I could pocket cans of tuna with ease. Sweet Valley High novels had sexy cover designs when I was eleven.
I have loved natto since I first tried it in a Japanese restaurant in Paris, 30 years ago, and I never got tired of it ! I still fill up the fridge with natto from time to time, from a Kmart supermarket in Paris. But I must confess I’m the only one at home who does like it, and not because it may be healthy, just because I like the taste and texture ! ( I also love the strongest french cheese, like Epoisse, our national pride !). Of course the kids hate me for serving this, and think I’m crazy.
Some say it’s an “acquired taste” (like you are not expected to start liking Dr Pepper before the 5th time you try !), still, I liked strong cheese since infancy and shamelessly kept liking all kind of fermented or otherwise “umami” food ever since, so I understand the Japanese who love their food, and the Koreans who love kimshi, doenjang, and misugaru !
And when I went to Japan for the first time this summer (apparently with millions of other french people at the same time !), I was amazed by the food, from starred restaurants to the conbinis !
Thanks for your very informative “behind the scence” and very pleasant to read blog/site !
Interesting !
Haha. I cannot believe this. I just tried to email you a few days ago to, what I assume, is your former work email.
Yeah I quit. Email me at my old regular name email. First name middle initial last name at gmail.
And I am just supposed to know your middle initial after over a decade of being punched, and kicked, in the head both by people and alcohol? Give us a hint.
C for chunsze
natto is fucking nasty, but cheap sushi go round sushi was good for my soul had it 3 times a week need that sea salt Ika in my life son
I shouldn’t laugh about the guy being passed out drunk in the subway, but it was funny. Where I really lost it in laughter, was your rather vivid description of Natto. It’s 5:00 am, and I’m already laughing so hard, I spit out my water on my keyboard! Probably woke up my damn neighbors as well.
I pray you live a long life and never have to deal with Natto. And if you already have been scarred, hold on, there is still hope after Natto; Life after the ass smell.
Lol, I’ll do my best to avoid ever messing with that stuff.
I think it’s a matter of what you grew up eating. I think your brain somehow creates a special bond to that first food no matter how bad it is: McDonalds, Kraft Mac N Cheese… the list goes on and on. Those are some examples of some horrid foods, but sometimes I just gotta have em! Why?! I cook everything I eat from scratch and it’s mostly south East Asian or Sichuan food. I’m into complex and spicy foods. But none of that glorious food will ever top pizza rolls.
Down here in Western Japan, the food is better than up North. It can be scarier too. Natto, I like it. But I also like shrimp paste, fermented fish paste (pa dek in Laos) and other glorious foods that stink to high heaven. But I do think it comes down to what you grew up eating. I love expensive pastries and such but give me a pack of chocodiles any day!!
Thanks for the sanest appraisal of Japanese food I have read. I get that our taste is formed by what we grow up eating – what I don’t get is the nationalistic pride in Japan about really boring, bland, daily food – colours like hospital food, taste like wallpaper with salt. Nothing that gives you a real wallop of flavour or fun. Japanese curry is an insult to real Indian, Thai etc. Curry, and most traditional Japanese food looks and tastes like baby food, it is bland, low in calories and quite sweet. Totally overated by the kind of gaijin who are insufferable, the ones who are having the deepest engagement with Japan and its culture EVER!
Japan actually does have good food to offer, but I just don’t see people eating it most of the time. Same thing could be said about America, but the difference is that Americans don’t WORSHIP their ass-like food. Most recognize it’s unhealthy and bland. It’s the WORSHIP that annoys me.
True. Americans do worship bacon and cream cheese though! Ha ha ha. There definitely is a nationalistic pride in their food. Their slowly learning. The way it is now kind of reminds me of the U.S. In the 70’s
They love bacon, but bacon isn’t necessarily American. It’s Western, right? But Natto- Japanese. Rice balls- Japanese. Miso soup- Japanese. The list goes on. There really is no comparison.
Yes, but Americans are the ones that worship it.
I get that, but it isn’t an “American” food. They also worship ALL cheese but that isn’t American.
Japan worships its boring foods. I get it, Wabisabi and all that. I’m just over it.
What is “American” food? North, Central or South American? Let’s assume this is about the US only. Are y’all aware that there isn’t a standard American diet? Not even just across regions but within the same states, there aren’t any standard diets. Calling “American” good disgusting is bizarre considering how many different cultures make up the “American” culture. As someone who wasn’t born here but has been here since 10, I’m always perplexed when people from outside this country comment on their assumptions as to the foods we have here. Let’s say you’re using white American synonymously with “American” there still isn’t any sort of standard diet. That’s going to range from place to place; the food you find in Appalachia isn’t going to be the same as something you would find in Louisiana or Connecticut or Western California. Every region; every state within said regions, have varying diets.
The common foods Japanese eat daily is far less expensive than eating sushi.
OK.
Your other reply to this was better! (Was emailed to those of us following the thread). Cough cough tell it at parties etc etc.
Haha…yeah…I’m really trying to tone it down over here as I have a baby girl on the way. It’s a long term project.
Japan food, its the emperor’s new clothes . Japanese tell you how great it is when it’s a pile of imaginative boring shit.
Deep fried fish is the best food in the world if it’s called tempura , if it’s called fish as in ‘fish and chips’ it’s the worst . Always hear how British food is terrible in Japan, never met a Japanese who actually knows what it is. They will eat any crap as long as it’s technically Japanese.
Food in Japan, just like anything else in this terrible country, is the most disgusting in the world. I’v been practically everywhere on this planet, and I have never seen a place where the food is so pathetic, as in Japan. It has no tastes, no matter what you eat! Even sushi are much better in other countries than in Japan itself. There is no surprise here, because Japan is the most miserable country on Earth. The absolute bottom! The shithole of this planet – no food, no culture, no women … nothing good. Only ugliness, perversion, misery, abnormality, and gisgust.
I got out of there a couple of years back, had had enough and haven’t looked back, but although I don’t really like it there I wouldn’t say it’s the shithole of the planet! The snowboarding there for one is excellent. Are you stuck there or what? How king have you been? And I’d have to strongly disagree with the ‘no women’ comment…..
I’m screaming right now. YES!
All of this. I, I, I, can’t even begin because you took the words out of my mouth.
Thank you.
And fuck you, normal-ass Japanese food.
I absolutely couldn’t agree more. There is absolutely nothing interesting about Japanese food to any person who has grown up in Europe on a standard European diet. We invent this cringeworthy worship of “all things Japanese” because we have deluded and romantic notions about the Japanese themselves.
I recently made an authentic, professional miso soup and fried tofu with all the trimmings for a friend and you would think I had turned into Gordon Ramsey the way they reacted. I mean for heavens sakes, even their famed teriyaki sauce takes literally three mins max to make from scratch.
In the end, what is Japanese food but boiled veg, fish stock (in absolutely fucking everything until you want to die), boiled rice and the occasional fried meat. Swap the rice for potatoes and you’ve literally got the exact same diet as people in the western isles off of Ireland. Even the famed “Japanese curry” only exists because the British introduced it on their travels from India.
And let’s talk about the desserts- the one overlooked section in this article. Japanese desserts….Lord God you will never eat anything more depressing and insulting in your life. And no, don’t talk to me about the Japanese version of western desserts, let’s talk about ACTUAL Japanese desserts- those glutinous, unsweetened, duplicitous lumps of crap made from rice that’s been battered more times than a redheaded stepchild and then stuffed with bean paste. Who the hell wants to eat that?!
Let’s also narrow down this mythological Japanese health thing as well: Japanese average life-expectancy is circa 1-2 years more than the average westerner. Soon it’ll be the same as theirs. People in dozens of European enclaves live just as long- the islands of Scotland, the western counties of Ireland, the appenine regions of Italy and Switzerland, etc etc etc etc. The secret is an active life, happiness, balanced meals, low produced food intake, and communal living. That’s what keeps you alive and fit.
There are benefits to a diet of lightly boiled natural produce but Japanese food is neither unique nor remotely interesting. Anyone westerner who says it is a) hasn’t lived in Japan long enough, b) is a pseud.
Previously I worked in an Asian restaurant in London as an Assistant Manager, now currently working in Japan as a translator.
I won’t say I’m such a gourmet foodie, but still I’m very critical when it comes to food preparation, as I used to be the taster in my former restaurant and provided all sorts of opinions for improvement, as well as listening to customers about their favorites and preferences.
Japanese food, to speak the truth, I absolutely agree it is bland, boring, and tasteless. Looking from the catering POV, I notice one thing specific about Japanese food, is that they tends to depends largely on the natural taste of the ingredient itself rather than the culinary skill of the chef.
Japanese are very proud of their unindustrialized agriculture, where they will claimed their local veg and meat cultivated in their backyard farm is green and organic hence will had the best taste in the world, simply boil it in water is already enough to make a 5-star hotel meal (Whether it is truth or not is up to ones’ subjective taste bud though…)
Where such nationalistic pride on the contrary, provides negative influence to the catering sector, specifically the general average level of chefs one may find in Japan. Because they had this catering doctrine of food preparation is all about ingredient preparation (Knife skills and Seasoning and Marinating and other flavor-enhancing actions? Nah. When we had the best ingredient in the world, who needs that?)
So averagely speaking, Japanese food is natural and unsophisticated, yet bland boring and lacking flavor, as most relies solely on the ingredient itself and nothing else (may be also a bit salt and bonito, but kept to the least minimum barely enough to excite one’s taste bud). Japanese food are so decorative and nice looking, because they lack tastes, so they have to rely on the visuals to arouse one’s appetite. Japanese food and Japanese cooking, is a visual art, but definitely not a technology and not a science.
BTW, as someone worked in a restaurant before, I’ll give credential to a chef who can convert an average (or below average) ingredient produced from whatever farm in whichever country to a flavor symphony, than a chef who convert the topmost best ingredient to an ordinary better-than-average dish as expected from the quality of the ingredient itself.
Thank you. I’ve wanted to come here my whole life. I’m here. It’s the 38th country I’ve visited. It’s in the top 5 for worst / most disappointing cuisine. Albania had more tasteful food. Japan fits right in with Egypt. At least sushi is sushi.
When I mentioned the upcoming visit to friends and colleagues, I heard in response, “the food!” But alas…I’m still at a loss.
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You have just clearly explained why the Japanese are so thin, so much thinner than other countries.
Are you familiar with Stephan Gueyenet? He is an obesity researcher who basically says Americans are fat because our food is too tasty and seductive. His thesis is that to be thin you must eat boring bland food for the most part.
Well, this bears that out.
Can’t fully agree, but can’t disagree with the core concept: our food is designed to be addictive.
I’ve lost around 80 lbs over roughly a year and a half by adding some moderate exercise – not even anything crazy, just walking 3 miles most days and 8 miles once a week and some relatively light calisthenics along with some simple calorie restrictions along with eating satiating food like adding a *lot* more vegetables other than potatoes to my meals – and I still quite enjoy what I eat, I’m a good enough home cook.
But from a young age we get things like candy bars and chips shoved in our face and you can eat those things without ever feeling satiated. A burger and fries covered in tasty salt and fat washed down with a large soda that still leave you feeling like you want more, but If I cut up a large apple and have it with 3/4th of a cup of 0% Greek Yogurt I genuinely feel full.
What is that? 1000 calories doesn’t satisfy but 200 does?
you absolute genius
Finally, someone speaking the truth about the world’s most overrated cuisine. 15 years out here and it tastes worse than ever. I find it hard to trust anyone who says that they love Japanese food…
gonna open a hot dog stand in Japan , downtown Tokyo , sauerkraut no extra charge … should make a fortune if the Yakusa doesn’t kill me first !!!