“’You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. ‘Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly, and disgustingly fat. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober.””
Vacations are great and I always complain about wanting time off but a long vacation is a lot like visiting your parents: It’s cool for about 4 days and then you just wish you were back at work, in prison, or fighting a righteous war in Afghanistan. Anything to escape your mother, oops I mean, the monotony of the everyday.
So, I stay busy. Training a lot. Will be going to the gym today as well and sparring. Reading. Studying. But none of this really does it. The primary danger is that I am going to allow myself to sink into a deep, dark, sort of drunken semi psychotic state, like Jack Nicholson in “The Shining” and allow bad things to occur.
This got me thinking, oddly enough, about drunks.
Drunks. Oh how I know thee. I cannot say I love thee because, nope, I don’t, however I know you well. I have known many a drunk in my day and have been one myself (so have you, don’t try to bullshit me).
What are the primary types of drunks? Lets look at this scientifically, like I look at absolutely everything.
1. Happy fun drunks
Ok this is, of course, the best kind. Talking a lot, giggling, making jokes, generally a pleasure to be around and they cause no problems. Girls and guys seem to have variations on this, guys tend to be big flirty types and I have found that these drunks often take someone home. The girls, much like the silly cuties I ran into on Chuo line one morning. These girls are often the ones going home with some guy, or with a gang of friends. Laughing and annoying everyone on the way. If you have to be a drunk, be this kind of drunk.
You know the type, hell, you might even be one: 3 beers in and they are yawning and soon enough asleep with their head (hopefully) on the table. Lots of these in Japan, in fact they litter the streets.
Hey, no judgements here, I have had my own moments.
Women, oddly enough, the drunk sleepy girls are not unlike the drunk happy girls, they often go home with some guy. Uh-oh…
3. Violent confrontational drunks
My least favorite of the group, the violent asshole drunks. Usually, these guys are just fine up to a point, then its like someone flips a switch and suddenly you have instant asshole.
Oddly enough I have found this group breaks down quite cleanly into sub groups. I have color coded these for ease of reference.
A- The short, white American violent drunk: Wants to fight you. Now. For no reason other than that you’re tall and he is short, or because he got picked last one day for dodge ball, or he has listened to a lot of skin head punk rock, or whatever.
B- The Mexcian rapist drunk: It’s a subtle shift in the eyes, but suddenly, your holes, all of them, are in danger. You will see the eyes shift right around the 4th shot of tequila. Just Run. Drop the lime and run.
C- The evil Super Bitch Drunk: All bets are off. She usually pesters you but tonight she is going to break that bottle of Chardonnay on your fucking eye. Watch out for flailing nails, hair pulling and various wine bottles/glasses flying all over the room, usually near your face.
Those are the main categories but there are additional modifiers like:
MOD A- “What the hell happened I can’t remember anything”: These people regularly forgot it all. Not a bad thing if it’s your friend who barfed on the hot waitress. Not a good thing if he wakes up in jail. Equally not good if it’s a girl waking up next to you naked in your trippy apartment with a pain in her backside.
MOD B- “Dude, I lost all my shit”. Usually happens regularly as well; ipods, iphones, mobiles, wallets, jackets, hats, sunglasses and keys all vanish and they can’t remember where/how/why. I am notorious for sunglasses. It sucks, some jerk someplace is walking around with a couple of pairs of very cool shades.
MOD C- “God, I’m so horny.” This is pretty universal, but some people go way over board. This is when you walk out of the toilet at a club in Roppongi you don’t even want to be at and your sweaty friend, not a great quality for a posh chick, pushes her tongue down your throat and tries to share her vodka shots with you.
This list isn’t all encompassing or anything, it’s just something I had on my mind.