This is Pretty straight forward, and is in fact, exactly what it sound’s like.
This whole event took place about two weeks ago but I couldn’t summon the intestinal fortitude to commit it to cyberspace until just this morning and then, only after a serious cup of coffee. Hot, strong and black (sorry, I will NOT add “How I like my Women”, but… maybe?).
December 13th, I went to Korakuen Hall to watch some knock down, drag out, “get some!” style kick boxing. The event was hosted by the the New Japan Kickboxing Organization and a few of my friend’s and acquaintances had fights, so there I was, drinking beer after beer after happy beer and screaming like a mad man. I went to this event with my associate
Rionne (thats pronounced like “Ryan” but with an “O”, not like “Lion” or “Riion” or…whatever.)
After the action we made our way back to Suidobashi station, boarded the sobu line and headed back toward Shinjuku, finally parting ways at Yoyogi. I was feeling pretty good despite having watched two buddies of mine literally get the shit kicked out of them for what really amounts to pennies, but thanks to the beer, and my general appreciation for gore and violence I was, like I said, feeling pretty good by the time I meandered onto the Shinjuku Yamanote line platform to go back toward Ikebukuro.
I wandered around till I found a line that looked decent: No old people, no kids, a couple hotties and no Nigerians. I got in line. Great.
Then what happened next is all sort of a blur, and not because I was shit faced, that would happen later. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this figure moving in a bee line for me across the platform. I turned my head (all slow motion now in my memory, like some bad horror movie) and this little woman, about 155 centimeters tall, with jet black hair pulled back into pigtails on her head, was looking up at me and she was positively… beaming. The biggest smile I had seen since my friend told me over drinks some time ago “Dude…my wife actually LIKES anal!!!” Hand shakes and High fives were shared that evening, I assure you.
I sort of flinched when I realized she was staring at me and I looked away, quickly forcing my brain to scroll through my memory banks and try to get my facial recognition software to do something useful. Questions that ran through my mind:
Do I know this girl?
Was she a private student of mine in the past?
Did Keith post another classified personals ad under my name, this time with a photo? And, oh god, my schedule?
In the split second it took to ask those questions, the woman had moved to stand, literally, should to shoulder with me and I had a moment to gaze, in horror, at her outfit which was some type of nondescript lime green sweat shirt, beige-ish sweat pants with generic sneakers that were gleaming white and, in both hands she carried paper shopping bags packed to the brim with magazines and various periodicals and to top it all off, she wore this tacky, awful blue jean back pack that you might expect a 7 year old girl in Kansas to wear, on her way to stay the night with her pedophile uncle “JD” while her parents have their usual Thursday “Applebee’s and Motel 6!” night out.
I was in a state of mild shock as the train pulled up and the door’s opened. Some how, as if I was floating or being carried I was transported into the train car and then to my sick amazement, the woman moved right next to me. The car was not crowded, there was plenty of room, yet there she was, shoulder to shoulder with me again and having set her bags down, she immediately began rubbing my left thigh with the back of her right hand.
As the train moved, the back of her right hand became the palm of her right hand and her light rubbing became an insistent squeezing. And then just as quickly the insistent thigh squeezing became, for a split second, before I recoiled in disgust and shame, an energetic rubbing of my package. More thoughts ran through my head:
Am I being filmed now? Is this a Joke? Am I on TV?
Do I KNOW this woman?
Dear god…have I….slept with…this…woman?
Paralyzed by her groping idiot powers, I could do nothing more than move slightly out of her reach (as the four women seated on the bench in front of me pretending not to watch, continued to pretend.) and I pulled out my mobile and sent a text message to Rionne.
ME: dude, some woman is groping me on the train.
His reply came swiftly.
Rionne: Ok. Is she hot?
Clearly I was alone to deal with this. Nobody was coming to save me. I had to take matters into my own hands. Ok, what would George W. Bush do in a situation like this?
The train stopped and doors opened, people got off and people got on and I took this opportunity to move myself to another area of our train car then, I watched as SHE followed me, all her bags, full of god knows what, in tow. This time when she arrived at my side, like some faithful depraved hunting dog from the abyss of my worst nightmares, she bent over in order to set her bags down and by doing so, with her small stature and the rocking of the train, naturally put her round, disturbingly clean-looking face into the office woman’s lap sitting on the bench in front of her. I looked on with no small amount of sick fascination and watched her, her face LITERALLY touching the woman’s thighs and groin, and this coupled with the trains rhythm giving the odd effect of well, some sort of “girl on girl” action being accomplished right there on the Yamanote line, car 7. I know, admittedly, this was not so bad, at all. Admittedly, I have thought of this since.
The office woman however, clearly revolted and disturbed, performed quite the contortionists act as she slipped out of the seat, adjusted her skirt and said politely “oh, please sit down.” Then quickly vanished.
I then spent the next 5 minutes watching the little, evil, crazy Nymphomaniac stare at my crotch, literally hard staring, mouth agape, heavy breathing, the works. I also noticed all the people on the train who noticed as well. This was not the kind of attention I had been looking for really. No this is not the celebrity status I seek.
At Ikebukuro station, I waited for the last possible moment then bolted for the doors, dashing out. But she was too fast. Oh god, was she fast. Bags and all, my new friend came dashing after me. I then proceeded to engage in some text-book counter-surveillance techniques and spent 15 minutes wandering around the Ikebukuro J.R. terminal, all the time, the cherub faced little psycho was not far behind me. I did switch backs. I checked my background in reflective surfaces. I nonchalantly perused a menu outside a cafe, I considered buying a ball cap. Finally I exited at the Metropolitan gate. As I walked away I had to, was forced to, could not refuse looking back to make sure, and as I did, sure enough, like some Sentinel at the gates of hell there she stood just inside the ticket wicket, peering at me, smiling, mouth wide open, tongue partially hanging out.
I found my way home (after stopping for a stabilizing “drink” at the Hub, which spiraled into 4 gin tonics and some waffle fries, and a talk with this Turkish guy and the two Japanese girls he was with about the goods and bads of the Obama administration, and, Subway sandwiches) and although I refused to allow the memory of that little stalker to haunt me, I could not bring myself to beat my genitals into my nightly self-imposed orgasm. Not that night.
She had won that battle.
I drifted off into a dreamless, dark and uneasy sleep….
If this wasn’t good enough for you, try these:
|Advancing Feminism via Porn||Interview with a Japanese Dominatrix||White woman Japanese sex||Groper Train Search for the Black Pearl||Interview with Adult Model: Erika Satou|
That had to be one of the funniest things I have ever read. Great writing style. Japan is one of the most interesting places on Earth.
Can’t wait to get back to Tokyo, not necessarily for the groping part…
Tokyo is a wild city wrapped in all its conservative blankets. It never fails to entertain.
Did you say ” no Nigerians ” hahaha
I could not agree more.
Was this a gaijin female or, I’m guessing, Japanese?
Ralph, she was Japanese. Like I said though, clearly, she was way off the deep end.
Maybe she was just horny? Y’know, considering what she was doing? I dunno, I think maybe you ought to have tapped that, considering the whole fact that she was already ready and willing to drop trough and give it up to some complete, random person.
Of course, there’s also a possibility that this may have been one of your students and she’d done some serious growing up over time.
Nope, not a student and she was out of her mind. Had that unique condition known as “crazy eye”.
Did you get her digits?
what’s up with the nigerians?
I don’t know but they tend to mad dog me. For whatever reason me and Nigerians get along about as well as Russians and I get along and that usually means fist fights. That having been said, I have a couple Nigerian friends….so…”I must be some sort of enigma.”
I love Japan. Just saying. People tend to look at me as though I were some killer in a horror movie no matter how i dress, cut my hair etc., so the thought of being stalked by a japanese woman is just amazing and sickly comforting to me.
I need help. I know something is wrong with the wiring in my head but not sure what, to me this was an uplifting story full of hope and comedy. The psychology of the modern Japanese woman is…. ok just getting weird. The clothing she wore obviously ment looney and bet those sacks were full of yuri.
Any sane person would have ran. You’d be locked in a tiny Japanese torture chamber, never to be hear from again, if you hadn’t escaped. Still this story gives me a hopeful uplifting feeling.
If you ever see her again let her know there is a gaijin who would love to give her a hug.
Just found this blog. Some of the most interesting posts, and this is super hilarious.
Oh my god! This is the first time I have read of a female groper and I feel kinda bad for you. Don’t get me wrong I laughed because of how well written it was but it made me sad that your nightly ritual was even interrupted because of that woman.
I was groped once at a club and was so disgusted I purposed spilled all of my drink on the person and stormed out. I LOVE booze so spilling my drink was a no-no but I had to. Makes you feel icky and want a shower when your personal space has been invaded that way.
I totally understand. I wrote another bit about that, but a guy was groping on a train. Totally…strange. I have to admit I didn’t have the “disgusting” reaction, more just confused and totally humiliated. Having a crazy homeless woman try to get on me in front of the eyes of Tokyo….
Thanks for the Comment by the way
Dude, you should’ve banged her. I mean, come on, crazy girls are always great in the sack.
so… is he hot??? (plz answer, it’s killing me >_<)
She most surely was un-hot.
Lol! I laughed after reading this for about 10 minutes. I can picture a mini asian cherub with big bags of magazines groping a big dude on a bus…funniest thing ive ever pictured. Your traumatized recollection makes it that much better…im a female and its usually our kind thats subjected to these kinds of encounters
Glad you can find humor in my humiliation and torment. This isn’t the only time I have been groped here, but it was easily the most aggressive and insane occurrence.
You seem like a pretty enlightened person, why would you think all Nigerians are the same?
They are not the same. Obviously. But in Tokyo, stereotypes often work. Particularly as a joke.
I vote that you should have banged her. LOL
Over time this seems to have developed into the popular consensus.
unfortunately many people on the internet use “have sex with it” as their default answer. the woman was clearly reasonably insane- im sure that sex with insane never pans out well.
I concur. Heavily.
True. Very True. thanks for the intelligent comment.
Not absolutely agreeing with the “should have banged her” decision, but, this may be one of those stories to tell your kids/grandkids and their friends when they grow up and you get old.
In Beirut Lebanon right now, and the Nigerians rings true. The entire culture is like the offspring of Wesley Snipes and Jose Canseco had a MS baby.
Right, because no groups of white folks ever act like assholes. Oooooook moron. I know you may hate Blacks for whatever reason, but no need to look like an over-generalizing idiot in while feeling that way.
“…No groups of White folks…” and “…may hate Blacks for…” And I am the over-generalizing idiot? Avoiding Nigerians has nothing to do with their color and everything to do with what too many of them do professionally in Japan. I simply do not need to be hustled on my train ride.
Let me rephrase that in the proper P.C manner for you. There are groups of foreign workers currently within the third world coun…..er middle ea……Lebanon….that can not manage to quietly take a bus ride or walk without speaking to each other in rather loud obnoxious terms, or generally act as ne’er do wells towards property and those in their general vicinity. They happen to have the handsome skin tone of one Wesley Snipes, and the over confidence and questionable attitude of Jose Canseco (god rest his soul). Yet they are nowhere near as built or as good with their words as Wesley or Jose as if they had some sort of disorder that causes the nervous system to go completely bat shit. It also happens that globally everywhere I’ve been this specific group (not Africans, but those of East African origin) have carried, and fulfilled the stereotype that had been established with prior generations of their migrant workers.But to be fair they are people living out of their home country seeking better lives, but refusing to assimilate to the local culture, like Caucasians in S.A, Eastern Europeans in…well everywhere, and many Caucasian (proper term…raciest) people of American nationality….all of whom I avoid when traveling to certain places. But just to confirm it, I do not think any is superior or inferior based on race.
It seems like you’ve pulled together a good size following finally! I’m glad for you.
Cheers. We have been consistently inconsistent, and it’s working.
This is the reason I keep coming back to
this blog. I can not believe how many posts I missed since
that was such an awesome read! very well written it sounded so surreal although iv never been in that situation lol!
It was surreal. And deeply horrid.
My coder is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP.
I have always disliked the idea because of the costs.
But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using Movable-type on a number of websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform. I have heard good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress posts into it? Any kind of help would be really appreciated!
you sure she wasn’t a pro poseur with “yuri on candid camera”?
Same thing happened to me in 1975 in Kyoto. Very weird experiencs
Same thing happened to me on the Marunouchi Line. A woman in her 30’s touched me grossly. Unfortunately she was ugly.
You know you grow up thinking, that all women have a bigger sense of sanity than men, that you’d sooner hear this happening to a girl than to a guy… Then this happens, and you feel a little… different? i don’t know, enlightened maybe, that no matter what anyone says, women will always be the same as men… will all the good and bad that it implies(the bad being train groping, train groping is always bad)
Why did you at no point speak to her? Are you a Westerner originally…? It seems you’ve adapted to the Japanese culture very well. It strikes me as ridiculous that a grown man would let himself be bullied by a little asian girl. 😛
Amusing read, though. You have a good writing style.
She was insane. I have found over time, that engaging a lunatic in conversation never ends well.
Yet you carry on conversations with me…
Dude, Your writing. On point.
Cheers. It was a unique experience.
WorkTimeFun … really just WTF!?
This was, of course, in response to Irving Clarke’s post about the audio of this written website that went as follows “I visited various websites however the audio quality for audio songs current at this web page is truly marvelous.”
Because the Gaijinass web blog is the number one place for songs with the world’s biggest selection… I am far to sober for this $#!+
Haha….#1. That’s what we’re all about.
It was an event.
I lived in Japan for 2 years and I’ve been groped by women on the Train in an Elevator & Stairwell. So i feel your wtf pain lol.
Well…I feel a sudden urge to move to Japan.
There is definately a lot to find out about this issue.
I really like all of the points you made.
I’d like to find out more? I’d like to find out
I bet you would. Naughty ole spam marketer.
I couldn’t resist commenting. Well written!
Asking questions are genuinely nice thing if you are not understanding anything completely, however
this piece of writing offers pleasant understanding
Bullshit. Just another ENGRISH teacher who thinks Ikebukuro is a great place. It’s a low-class idiotic place for morons and the uncouth. Terminally uncool. You sound like a dispatch ALT twerp. I’ll be in Ikebukuro in about an hour and if I see you I’ll kick you in the ass and slap you upside the head.
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LOL You were harassed by this woman. Why can’t I stop laughing?! So here is my question: are you hot? LOL Because maybe she fancied you.. hahaha!