Gaijinass

Tokyo is the rabbit hole.

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71 thoughts on “Contact

    1. I don’t know how in the name of god and all the goodies I missed this comment until now. Your level of G.I. Joe mastery impresses and beckons. And my favorite G.I. Joe was Lady J, obviously because she was bi-sexual, and a sadist.

  1. Thanks for writing about MCpl Arron Perry— his parents are friends. The Canucki Army screwed that team over.

    They got bronze stars from the U.S. for helping rescue the 101st Airborne, trapped under mortar barrage and small arms attack; they got those long shots; but they did so in a politically correct and rigid organization, which couldn’t handle real soldiers doing the hard things to take down the Taliban.

    I begged him to ask the other guys to write a book.. no luck so far.

    Thanks for getting some of the story out there.

    1. Hmmm….You do like to make your point. Well, the plan sounds absurd, and why shouldn’t it be? Dogs and Demons right? Let’s not fix immigration issues that are archaic and draconian, nope, lets have some fantastical raffle to let people visit. Oh and lets not apologize for our profuse use of lies and misinformation surrounding a massive nuclear cluster fuck but instead- Who Wants To Visit Japan?!?!? Just more nonsense.

      1. You got Japan immigration,etc right…Without US protection and suckers buying Jap cars and electronics etc they would all be running to China,etc looking for work!

    1. Yep. And the list goes on and on. The amount of material we present to Cracked for consideration is massive and the editing process murderous. You wouldn’t believe some of the ideas and content they say “No” to.

  2. Hello there. I am a normal person who has not gone through all of your articles meticulously in search of errors, but I discovered that in the ‘5 people who started religions just to get laid’ there might be a small error. This in no way pleases me immensely and I am not writing you to rub your face in it.

    #4 Lee Thompson:
    “The “Kaotians” are a sect of the Gorean society, which follows the ancient text of Gor. By Holy we of course mean science fiction and by ancient we mean the first book came out in 1967.”

    You do not refer to Holy before you liken it to science fiction so now this joke has made me angry and confused.

    Please correct this glaring mistake so I can carry on with my life.

    Yours forever,

    Emiel

  3. Friend. Im a pro kickboxer from sweden and Im planning to go Japan and train in Ihara gym that you trained in. My ambition is to get some fights in Japan. How do I get to gym in Tokyo? Were is the adress and do you think its possbile to get fights in Japan if they think you are good enough?

    Please mail me if you have good info I leave ina couple of weeks.

    1. Thomas I got your mail and I will mail you directly with info. This has also inspired me to put together a post about this.

      The only bit of advice I leave here is simple – Time to Cowboy up.

  4. I thought people might be interested in the story linked below. Good writing, interesting story, Muay Thai training, sad ending.

    http://theclassical.org/articles/fighting-otherwise-part-1

    Fighting + Otherwise, Part 1
    A Travelogue of Muay Thai, and Its Collateral Hazards
    Share |

    Neil Chamberlain
    December 7, 2011 | By Neil Chamberlain

    In January of 2010, Neil Chamberlain left Brooklyn for a three-month tour of Muay Thai boxing camps in Thailand. While abroad he kept an online chronicle of his experiences that was followed voraciously by his family and friends. Neil returned from Thailand in early April; less than two weeks later he was dead at age twenty-eight, killed by a hit-and-run driver.

  5. Hey man, I just wanted to reply to your otherwise great article The 5 Most Insane Rescue Missions That Actually Worked. There was one specific place where you were talking about the bombing of the prison in Ameins, and mentioned that a BBC broadcaster was broadcasting the attack live.

    That seemed awesome, so I did click your citation. Unfortunately, the broadcaster wasn’t at the actual rescue. Your citation is talking about a recreation of that event after the war in 1950. It even uses quotations around the word ‘attack’, like I just did.

    Otherwise, like I said, real good.

    1. Thanks. Thing is, a lot of what Yosomono does on cracked gets “lost in translation” during editing. The guy is some kind of sick encyclopedia of random shit sent back from the future to save you, but cracked’s editing department is a vast fortress and penetrating it’s defenses is hell on earth. Thanks for the tip but please, cut us some slack as we are little more than humble necromancers that like dick and fart jokes.

      1. Just a little culinary delight for the readers. Its like a cultural dish for mamals, primates, and, for a long portion of our existence, humans.

        There was this study done at a college in the 60’s or 70’s about the nutritional values of various human parts. It even covered various states of health for the human before it became food. It got published.

        I have always wanted a copy for survival reference. Its basically where those programs on the various scientific channels get there info for cannibalistic scenarios. Wonder what it says about the placenta?

        The rule of the sea fits into all this. Countless survival situations throughout history…the party in the mountains, you know the D’s and soccer plane crashes. Hell, people even bring up in casual discussions if they would, or would not resort to cannibalism and which friend they would eat first.

        Its not that far from our origin as a species. Eat the placenta, or stillborns. Attack rival tribes and eat their children to ensure they do not continue to thrive. Look at how recently cannibalism was banned in amazonian areas.

        Just thought it was an interesting article. I have multiple friends and family members who work at the local hospital, and every so often you hear of someone taking the placenta home to eat, for religious reasons. Well, I don’t think its religious, that is probably an incorrect assumption (by the hospital staff), I think its cultural, or just some crazy health fad. Probably hippies. Been going on for years here, although not as often as it used to.

      2. Anymore information on that study? Name, authors, dates? Could be useful for a cracked article.

  6. Well as a child I watched PBS or public broadcasting system. Its like the NPR (National Public Radio… informative radio for the public, learnin’ stuff) of television. Later on the learning channel, and discovery channel. Growing up I got into national geographic channel, history channel, and worldlink.

    Point is I see all sorts of cool things. I like to learn. I often see these channels contradict themselves. Its fun.

    At some point a thing where they mentioned the college study. Some time later a documentary on the Donner party, aka Americas most famous family camping trip. During that the study was mentioned again. I remembered cause it had kind of stuck with me.

    Now here is where i get stupid and worthless, BAKA BAKA BAKA, I was like I am going to have to find that published work sometime. I left it at that. Didn’t write anything down, nothing, not even the program name. Not the college. Not the exact decade the study was done. I just figured “Hey something like that will be easy to find.”

    I have spent sleepless night looking for it online, and sleepless nights laying in bed thinking “Man I am an IDIOT!” I seem to be a fountain of useless knowledge. The second I might be useful then my brain kicks in a backup plan to cock block my chances at usefulness. Typically by making me forget key details. Which means don’t leave a post-it notepad within a hundred feet of me I WILL USE THAT F***ER UP!

    Like here is another interesting piece of knowledge. The FBI body farm is here in IOWA. Iowa was selected for its multiple terrain types and severe temperature differences between seasons. Whats a body farm? Cadavers mutilated in ways that simulate a crime/murder and then left to rot and be studied. It has revolutionized forensic science.

    oh wow that seemed useful…so potzo where in Iowa might the body farm be?
    F*** if I know. Yeah those stupid television programs mentioned what basic part/area of Iowa at least once. Remembering that detail might make this stupid useless nugget of random info … well… useful.

    I hate me. My brain fights me, really it does. I am my nemesis.

    Which is why I have this rule. If I ever see myself I have to kill me and fast; Because I/him is thinking the same thing. So, when the entire what would you do if you could time travel thing comes up I never mention meeting myself to fix a mistake. I try to think well would I be near myself, in which case I say hunt me and kill me fast before I kill me. If I wouldn’t be near me then I say stay the F*** away from myself, and after that I come up with something cool like snort coke with Pres GB cause I may not do coke and I may not like him as a president, but I bet he would be fun to get coked up with and go do crazy things. Hell he went to college, and after making it as US Pres I bet he still had it in him to at least make some epic prank calls, or some such crazy thing.

    1. I’ve been here 8 years and this stuff still leaves me screaming, clawing my eyes out; desperate for some kind of explanation.

      1. Tanuki at some point became frequently depicted as travelers. this was shortly after their depiction as sake drinkiers. Around this time one question was brought up “how do traveling tanuki carry their money?” Well I am not sure if this is the origin of the scrotum becoming known as money bags or if that was already so and thus became the explination for how a Tanuki carries its money.
        Years after this reffering to scrotums as money bags in general has faded somewhat but not with Tanuki. Theirs are still very recognized as money bags and thus a symbol of luck. So this commercial for a construction company features a Tanuki for luck and prosperity,
        I LOVE JAPAN!

      2. why are animals grabbing their respective breasts, alongside a 10 year old girl, and giggling them?

        Good luck with that one.

      3. I have lots of Japs in my family thanks to my sons marrying em and have part Jap grand kids…but Japs are a WEIRD inexplicable society if you can call em a society…they are opportunists who try to give the World the impression of friendly, polite folk while they jump on you if you bend over…y’all get the point! It’s like the yakusa runs the whole damn show!

  7. I hope to some day gather enough knowledge of Japan to think like a true Japanese native, to master the language enough to have an acent of a particular region, to direct samurai movies so well to be given a Japanese name and citizenship, to have the love and hand of a Japanese woman…and maybe then…MAYBE…I will be able to explain that part of the commercial. WorkTimeFun!

  8. Okay I admit it I am horrible with women. I am a total idiot in that department, well other than sex, but everything before that makes me seem like a total alien, like I have no clue what is going on in this world in that department.

    So I have a dliema…Maybe you (Gaijin) or Yos could help me. Please contact me. Would feel stupid posting it here. Although its an easy and honest mistake and the type of thing you would see on a comedy sitcom. Still, I feel so brainless with what I have just done. It could either make things go much better or much…much worse. BAKA BAKA BAKA! I really do hate myself.

  9. I can’t remember, but have you or Yos done a post about Issei Sagawa? VICE did an interview with him on YouTube. Unfortunately people do not realize he was a crazy individual (all races have them) and does not in any way represent Japan. They seem to attach (unfairly) the fact that he basically got away with it, without any real punishment, to the Average Japanese person’s mindset and morals. Very untrue. It is a …well it is f’d as a subject and would make for an interesting post (if you have not already done one). I think there is a way to search your site for a possible post, but pills and whip cream have my brain not being able to figure out how to go about checking your site for such a post.

    1. I talked about him before. I think I’ve seen that interview. Is it the one where he is hanging out with some Canadian girls in Iceland? Lamenting about how expensive it was to keep a harem of foreign girls?

  10. Hey GaijinAss, you were a teacher for a while, weren’t you ? So maybe you have some insight regarding the school-bullying-in-Japan stories one reads so often about ? What is the mindset of these kids ?

  11. I was to get a house soon. The house search has not been going well. For two weeks in a row I was to get a vehicle and both times it fell through. My college has messed up my paperwork and I have, as of yet, been unable to start my fall term and am currently two weeks behind. My pen pal has just ended our relationship.

  12. finished my associates in a two year community college. Was going to go back for micro computer specialist this fall and had it figured out how to get that two year bachelors in one fall season. Then was off too a university for two years to get all the classes done i could there the easy way and finally a four years college for anywhere from 1 to four years (depending on how many credits transfered and what I could test out of), for my directing degree and one or two levels of Japanese language. Still trying to get the money together. Monday will be three weeks behind on work and if i make it in this with be with a class load almost equivelant to a full one year of work with less than a full term left to complete it and in all likely hood the teachers will not permit me to make up missed work. I will simply be doing missed work to try and catch up to speed (figure out what is going on) and with not being permitted to do missed work that means no help from teachers on that catch up to speed attempt.

    Still have not heard back on last house bid. It was a big enough house. The guy had bought it for 17.000.00 and it has a lot of issues needs a hell of a lot of work and just got broken into last week and a lot of damage was done. he has refused offers and such all the way up to my last offer of 28,000.00 when it is honestly not worth that. He wants around 40 or 50 thousand I think. For some reason the worst condition visibly wreck houses here are even going for 60 and up and this is with a housing market crash and in an area where such a house would normally go for 21,000.00 at best.

    it looks like the vehicle thing just isnt going to happen.

    All the foodstamps I am spending to be able to stay where I am never receive a thank you just threats of you better get more next time and comments of this isnt enough at all you just arent really helping. Spending enough in food stamps to pay rent at a decent place. I am being asked for money and told to do a lot more around the place and to fix it up and that i need to give up this college thing and get a job. Even though I help out a lot around the place also and try to make the least impact. Not washing clothes or bathing as often as I should as they screamed at me about water usage. Eating left over expired food I have so that they can use up all my food stamps benefits. Its mostly dry foods that you add water too so i think it is safe.

    out of allergy pills and very sick and not getting any sleep.

    I was long winded in everything I said to her, I did this to make sure that she could find the proper translations. I used tons of different words for each thing. I did this to help with translation clarity and personal understanding. Turns out I was just seeming nervous and this was a huge turn off. It also made me seem pessimistic as she thinks that is the natural state of the nervous mind. She is always happy and confident and an optomist and thought our characters would not match. I was trying to be helpful and messed up bad. I don’t smile easily. I have had a hard life and smiling makes me become very shy. It is hard for me to smile. I am not at all used to it. She didnt like that I do not smile all the time and do not smile largely and noticeably. When she tried to imagine herself at my side when she always smile and me not smiling, she did not see her self as being happy with me or beside me. She did not see her being able to be herself. I love that she always smiles, her optimism and happiness is one of her greatest qualities and slowly I was begining to smile more and more and larger. It was happening naturally. It was very painful as i realized my facial muscle for smiling are weak, but it was a good happy pain. Through her I was gaining my smile and learning to enjoy it. I do enjoy things and have many optimistic thoughts, I just dont naturally smile although her being herself was changing that. Finally she said she hates mustaches, I assume she meant facial harir but am not sure. I explained all of this too her and trimmed off most of my mustache and over two thirds of my beard and sent a picture of that and a video of how i have been smiling lately. I also explained if she wants i will shave off the rest of the facial hair. I am awaiting her response.

    My life has always been difficult. I have always powered through the hardships. I used to without complaint. In recent years I have started complaining more and more, but kept up hope and kept going through it all. The entire time taking on others stress and problems, listening to them and helping anyway I can as they never do the same for me and use me while telling me it isnt enough. Stuck with my wife (divorcing) through alcoholism and she finally seems to have kicked the habbit. I am proud. No one is ever proud of me, or cares, or concerned, or grateful, or so many other things. They are all angry and think I never do enough and always want more and expect help while they treat me in every horrible way possible.

    All my accomplishments get taken away somehow. Others steal credit, my name gets messed up on forms, I show up to honors events and they congratulate everyone yet magically forget me and now the college holding onto my transcripts and degree hostage while trying to get money out of me that another student should be paying, but their paperwork foulup has me screwed and they have covered their buts fudging paper work so well that no lawyer I can get for free is gonna be able to do anything.

    around two years ago. When I was finnally giving up and saying F this I keep rebuilding my life from scratch always staying hopeful and as optimistic as i can muster and I never get to enjoy my success as it always get stripped away too fast and I end up starting over and no one bats an eyelash about it. I am told I am worthless, pathetic, a burden, a downer, and a leech. A loser frequently. I spent years kicking their asses for that shit. Each time I got too where I could stand proud and prove em all wrong it got all taken away.
    Then at that point my pen pal came into my life. She was everything I have never gotten. She treated me lik a real human being, even better really like I mattered and deserved good things. She encouraged me and was proud of me. She inspired me and gave me the strength I needed. She rejuvenated me. I owe all my recent success to her. She even congratulated me about college when my family wouldnt, friends hadnt and no one showed up for my honors inductions and graduation, no one cheered for me, but her. I went to these tings with a gift she had sent in my pocket and felt like I had the best audience a person could hope for in attendance. For the first time in my life I wasn’t having to lie to myself and fake hope, it was real. Happiness was starting to happen withint me. Al the years of $h!t all the messed up things that I dont want to talk about were all going to be worth it. I found myself thinking I would go through it all again for this.
    I am losing her. Perhaps should say have lost. Stupid pathetic hope and optimism accidentally krept in there. I think that she is the greatest woman who has ever and will ever live. She has the greatest smile humanity has ever produced. I hold no hard feelings towards her and do agree with her logic. She thought it out and had given me a chance. I am grateful. The memories she has given me are the new high point in my life. The new pinacle. from here it is down hill. The best is over.

    At one time I was a licensed insurance agent in Life, Accident, and health with college level training and some training in Property and Cassualty or is it causality…anyway I was licesnsed in a lot of states and young and had a house in my name not renting, a few vehicles one mine others the wifes, a few computers, satelite tv, a great net connection, all the latest pc and console video games, the ability to purchase what ever I wanted when I wanted, a ton on lay away budgeted out perfect with too much money too spare, great credit, friends, the ability to not have to suck up to anyone always able to speak my mind, supporting 2 to four friends living with me at all times, helping my family out with money (which none of them remember now convienient), helping friends out with large sums, letting the friends living with me go without jobs just hanging out vacationing for a bit while I bought them what they needed and wanted, taking $h!T from no one and telling anyone who deserved it off, a game room with pool table and ping ong table and air hockey,foosball, small shufflebaord, and I wasnt enjoying shit yet as I was taking on everyone elses stress and problems standing strong not bitching about it telling them dont worry I got this you just relax and have a good time. Before I could find the time to relax and get to my problems it all went away.

    I have only made it that far once in life. I have rebuilt from scratch many time and a few of em been on my way back up. Never been that far again. With her in my life I felt farther than ever before.

    I have no strength for it left. I am surrounded by people demanding more out of me. While they say everything they can to kill me with words. Its getting close to as bad as when I was a tellemarketer. Minimum of 300 calls a night where people said the worst things they could to me the things they spent their free time practicing for the next time a telemarketer called and they were gonna unload and get revenge for all of lifes wrongs. They truly did try to kill me with words. The people left in my life, the ones surrounding me expecting more out of me and me to take on their problems while I am forced to ignore mine for them. They are getting close to treating me like when I telemarketed. Back then when I got off the phone or between calls instead of management telling me how thankful they were for me staying at a low pay and being a great seller getting them way more than what they needed in fact getting them so many sales they were getting rewards, bonuses, plaques, trophies, vacations, and raises. The management would tell me how I was holding everyone back. How I wasn’t good enough. How I was gonna lose my job. How they were paying me too much. How I needed to do some manditory overtime and not use my vacation. How I needed to quit using the restroom during work hours or going to my lunch break. Then they would hand me another of the damn packets they kept cramming down my throught all night. The packets said EZ-2. The ingredients sounded like a caffeine pill mixed with a pain killer. They made the vomitting worse (no prob I could swallow the vomit after it got into my mouth without slowing my speech or the customer noticeing, it made the ulcers worse (only a problem when I got home and there were no EZ-2, and they made me feel absolutely horrible. Once or twice a night a supervisor would slouch and slink and slither his/her way over too me with a piece of paper folded under their arm. I knew what this meant, they wanted me to use an illegal script and if the FCC or FTC overheard I was too take full responsibility myself, refusal would be a warning and some forced time off in the form of a suspension on made up terms. I have had other crap jobs (like assistant manager at a movie gallery that had a porn section, being newest employee i was designated semen cleaner), this telemarketing one …

    anyway sorry I typed so much. Don’t really expect anyone but trolls to read it all. It just makes me feel like someone listened to me for once when I type like this. Next comes the rain of trolls to rip my personal life apart. Not even gonna fight back this time. If there are any spelling or gramar errors I apologize allergies have me gagging, coughing, and gasping for air as the snot still finds its way painfully into my lung, sitting sideways makes it just drain into the one. I have seen true beauty. I have seen a smile that could end wars. This hope was dangled infront of me and yanked away before it got really good. I want to kill people now more than ever.

    1. Oh I have a policy of not drinking when I feel bad. I dont want to be a sad or angry drunk. I drink when I can get my mind offa things or am at least somewhat numb first before even touching the liqour. I do have a rather nice new stockpile built up right now waiting for a not as $h!tty night. A little unwinding and rejuvenating in my future. Hope the people here dont find it and drink it on me.

  13. Just a FYI, your article about photos was wrong, you have WW2 and WW1 photos mixed together and call both of them Nazis, Germans can be Nazis, but Nazis aren’t German.

  14. Ihara san, geenki dessuka..mussashi buri..Maiko Kurahara dessu… roppongi (PRIDE) friend of Nogueira, brasilians fighters, Cristiano Kaminishi…. has been long time 12 years I left Japan

    I m back to Japan and I representing Nogueira team…call me at 0794-73-8919 take care, boss!

  15. Man, would be dope to kick it with cool Gaijinass people. I’m an ALT in Aomori (yes its cold now) but I’m also a DJ.

    I know you probably don’t kick it with your viewers/readers, but it might be fun to kick it and share ‘Japanese battle scar’ stories somewhere in Tokyo, right?

    1. Just being in Japan would be one of the happiest times of my life. Hanging out with Gaijinass would be a blast I bet. Trouble is I am a bit crazy. Can’t stand crowds they make me freak out (although an all Japanese people crowd most likely wouldnt, but white people crowds really do and probably most other types of crowds would mess with me). Also sometimes i get boring. I see myself as a bit of a boring downer at times. Still if it wasnt one of those times I may not be bad company. Mo, Yos, and so many of the other viewers would be a fun group, but a lot of the types that get into trouble so getting all of them in one place could be a national disaster (or international).

      1. I feel ya bro. But, I’m gonna be honest – befriending a JAPANESE dominatrix Queen, getting groped by a bi-sexual woman on the train, talking with adult models…these guys are living dreams that I didn’t even know I had until now.

        So…if we were to combine all of epic Gaijinass peeps with an English teaching/Japanese speaking DJ for a night on the darker areas of Tokyo, I’m almost positive we could come up with next month’s Japan Posts article. 🙂

  16. So, YouTube does this comedy week thing. Tons of comedic submissions flood in for viewers to peruse. Then there is a Gem by actor Michael Cera. It is titled “Gregory Go Boom”. Watch it. It is golden. Favorite it. Like it. Thumbs up it and spread the awkward. It is the dark side of things like Napoleon Dynamite.

  17. Recently, thanks to a certain politician, comfort women have been brought to the public eye again. This leads to thoughts of women and their place in society in general, as humans women deserve a certain level of decent treatment yet they get lowered to things like comfort women. Japan is a very high tech place and way ahead of much of the world in many things, yet still certain traditions cling on to Japan and they may be cancerous.

    Well, this could lead to an interesting post…

    She includes many nice reference sites in the description.
    She uploads under the name MyHusbandIsJapanese and the video comes up under the search “Gender Equality In Japan.”

  18. Hello Gaijnass,
    Very entertaining blog you’ve got here. I see that you also review books. Would you ever consider reviewing Japanese language books? As you actually live in Japan, you can offer a very unique perspective to your readers. My company, Tuttle Publishing makes some of the most popular Japanese language learning books and I’d love to send you one or more (for free of course) to take a look at. Book reviews make for great posts.

    Please let me know what you think. Here’s our books
    http://www.tuttlepublishing.com/language-books/japanese

    Best,
    Mike
    mpage@tuttlepublishing.com

    1. Even though this is an obvious marketing ploy, I like this idea. Seriously. I have some tuttle books (Japanese Tales of Mystery and Imagination being one in my collection) and really enjoyed the translation. I was not aware that they had language learning books. Seeing as how my second attempt at learning Japanese (the first attempt years ago was almost effortless and went great till I gave up as I had no one to speak it with) is going just about as wrong as it could, this might be worth me looking in to.

      Your book reviews are always enjoyable. Although language learning books aren’t the type you review, living there gives you some insight to how useful they would be. Just a thought.

  19. Really interesting information you have on your website. Really hope to live in japan for a couple of years. I was wondering if you still live in japan

  20. So I got this really bad migraine… but it isn’t nothing that shot gunning a couple of large red pills wouldn’t cure. I think 12 gauge should be just about the right dosage. Anyway, still soundly hated by all and still loving life.

  21. Had this really long way of saying what I want to say thought out. Two much work for too little pay and no sleep has my brain a mess. So going to cut it done to key points:

    – A lady tried to run me over, multiple times. She wanted a particular parking spot and didn’t want to wait a few seconds for me to walk through it. When confronted she calmly state “I knew you were there, I saw you.” Yep she was trying to hit me. My life = less value than waiting a few seconds to get a particular parking spot in a 94% empty parking lot.

    – I found a note someone had left in a hardware store parking lot (different store, different night). I decided to read it in hope that it would be something heartwarming. It was a breakdown of a kids allowance, a few feet from it his brother’s paper with breakdown of allowance for the month. Now I must mention this is the type of hardware store where the low end mid income to just plain poor people go. Not rich kids and not rich parents. These little ….they made as much an hour (yeah broke down by hours and days they did chores and the rate at which they earned allowance) as me. Without taxes being taken out of their allowance. I am only making as much as a kids allowance…less if you consider that I pay taxes.

    – Cleaning the garbage hold tank out on a truck at work up on a ladder with a board holding the huge heavy door open, I slipped. The board flew out and the door came crashing down and hit me in the ribs slamming me into the side of the tank and coating me in garbage, rot, decay, pig shit, pig blood, and some other nastiness. After I get done cleaning and am about to leave, soaking wet and in a cold wind on a cold day, the owner approaches me. He tells me to wait out where I can be seen for a truck delivery. Later some more bad crap happens, yet it is while I am standing in the cold shivering and coated in filth that I remember something that I have been struggling with for a couple weeks now and fighting to keep from my mind… a message I got from my pen pal
    ” I finally met the companion of the my life in Japan.
    We will get married.
    So my smile is already my fiances’s.
    So sorry…”

    Now guys and gals, not gonna lie, I am no longer optimistic about my future. There is a lot of other bad craziness going on, however these three tidbits are more than enough to get the point across. I had a plan B in the past. I decided to scrap my plan C and create a new plan C where I try and find a Japanese wife (that isn’t my pen pal cause that plan A is now dead…I also wanted to be a director as part of plan A…who cares…) and fast as I turn 35 in Dec. I am getting old and rebuilding my life is not going well. I need, desperately, to know what it is to be cared about, and loved, and not soundly hated by all because if I have a wife that loves me and/or at least cares about me then I am not soundly hated by all, then I don’t have it so bad. Hell, I would say I would have it pretty damned good at that point.

    All this lead me to seek out the smartest friend I currently have. Without flinching, without hesitation, and without changing his facial expression in the least, he said to me “It is time to go to Aokigahara.” Instantly I knew that he was right. Plan B should not be abandoned. The great Jukai calls. How the fuck am I ever gonna get the plane ticket money together… Time to make a 3 to 7 year plan that involves saving up money and getting to the forest. How the hell was I ever going to find a Japanese wife, not possible. Even if I did find a Japanese marriage arranger willing to help a Gaijin, I wouldn’t be able to speak Japanese so that he could figure out me and pick a good match to send me on a date with.

    Sometimes hope is a doomed and foolish idea. Sometimes Death can be a happy occasion (Nah’lins funerals are known for being up beat celebrations of the deceased’s life). Why can’t a suicide be a happy and good thing… I bet it could. Surrounded by the happy letters and pictures to remind one of the best parts of their life so that they may move on without regret or remorse and instead have joy in their heart that they got to communicate with such a kind and good person for at least a little while.

    Anyway, still 5 star general of the pathetic army. Still leading the charge. Still waking up and facing each day. No one can prove that will to live is bullshit like I can. You don’t need to have will to live to create or maintain life. Keep trying scientists, you will be gods soon enough.

    I don’t even have alcohol right now. hm… to bad I went for the short version, had some good writing planned. Motivation isn’t in high amounts at the moment.

    Hell is life with more spiders…and there have been a hell of a lot of spiders around lately…BIG ONES

    1. This comment is so epic in it’s darkness I have considered copying it as an independent, stand alone post. Potzo, I can only say YES. Action.

      1. Go for it. Make it a post. Found three unopened mountain dews buried in the rot at the bottom of a loading dock. Pickins have been slim in loading docks lately as the economy causes the number of people living in their cars at mal-warts to increase. Bastards are cutting in on my food supply. Gonna drink myself to sleep here in about five minutes. Holidays are here and I can’t take them anymore. Managed to find a bunch of really cheap liquor so should be good for the month, although I may drink it in two weeks if I have an exceptionally bad shift or two.

        My pen pal’s tweets are driving me insane. Things like being excited about missing her period let me know that things are going really well with the man who won her. She ended up having her period late (evil grin). Still it is good to know that she will be happy.

        I hope I make it to the forest in three years. I need to make it while I can still clearly remember the good moments that I had with my pen pal. I have to die with joy and happiness in my heart. There was so little in my life that it is a very precious thing she gave me and I have to go into the next life with that instead of all the hatred I have carried all of these years.

        She warmed my heart when it was dead and cold. She gave me hope and helped me through some of the worst times. I will surround myself with her letters (in Aokigahara) and with joy in my heart look up at the sky and say “Fuck you God, I died happy.”

  22. Yo Gaijinass, you’re a great blog and I enjoy reading it whenever it updates. Is there any chance you could interview ero-manga artist ShindoL? https://twitter.com/shindo_l The guy moved from Queens, NY to Tokyo to be part of the eromanga industry, which is really unusual. He seems like a chill guy too.

  23. Look dude this is the first I’ve ever seen this and I love this thread I’m a Marine Abrams tank commander and I love snipers when I was in Iraq in 2005 they saved my life however the other side tried to split my wig

  24. 15 days later and the libel is still there. If you won’t remove the libel, then I ask you to delete any mention of my name in your blog, or delete the article.

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