I know  what your thinking: “wow, cool promotional poster“.

Yep, too bad the movie sucked.

2012 is a 2009 film directed by Roland Emmerich. The film stars John Cusack, Chiwetel Ejiofor, Amanda Peet, Oliver Platt, Danny Glover, Thandie Newton and Woody Harrelson. It was distributed by Columbia Pictures. Filming began in August 2008 in Vancouver.

For a full plot synopsis please, go here, or, you can just read the following:

  1. Scientists find something strange happening with the earth. Yes, a lot like The Day after Tomorrow.
  2. Government tries to hide it all as they prepare to save themselves. Yes, a lot like Deep Impact.
  3. All hell breaks lose and the earth goes wacky. Yes, a lot like The Core.
  4. In the end, Humanity is completely fine and everyone is safe and happy. Yes, a lot like Armageddon.

So, now we have established that there is nothing, not a single solitary point of originality in this 2 hour and 30 minute movie (movie because it does not deserve to be called a “film”) other than the fact that the other four Films I mentioned were all much more entertaining.

It is simply the same thing over and over. I imagine the script must have read something like:

  • Jackson’s sassy son talks back.
  • Earth quake.
  • Jackson’s quarky daughter brings lots of hats camping.
  • Bigger Earthquake.
  • Jackson meets crazy guy in forest who really has literally ALL the answers.
  • Another Earthquake
  • Black president (awesome, got that essentially all white cast problem taken care of) says something heavy.
  • More Earthquakes.
  • Out run an Earthquake on foot.
  • Out run an earthquake in a Car.
  • Out run an Earthquake in a two prop commuter plane.
  • Out run a big cloud of ash in a big jumbo jet.
  • Out run Water in gear room.
  • Out run water upstairs.
  • Almost hit Mount Everest.
  • Save the day.
  • Everyone hug.

Now that you have read this, no need to see the Movie.  Save yourself some time, in fact save yourself A-LOT of time and skip this one.  John Cusack should be ashamed of himself.

The single most horrid bit about this abortion, is that during every cataclysmic scene in which literally thousands of people are dying, horrific deaths, and the world as we know it is coming to an end, the principle characters are essentially cracking jokes, and the carnage and damage is so absurd its insulting.  I felt personally offended as Cusack made a “funny face” after making a joke as he and the other jerk, fumble to stop the plane they are in from crashing into a train full of people who are plummeting into the abyss.

On every conceivable level this movie is trash.  Its depressing that so many people who at one time or another have been involved in real worthwhile projects got on board with this circle jerk.