Does “Yada” mean “Dozo”?

So you find yourself moving from the couch into the bedroom with a cute little woman you have met a few times and this evening, well….it seems things are really going your way. In the bed room you both fall onto the bed and continue kissing and touching and she’s breathing heavy and so are you and this is all in the script so its good.

It’s all really good.

A shirt comes off. A sock. A belt is fumbled with and removed. Tongues and lips and hands and mounds of flesh and so far this is great because you are on schedule so you’re thinking “phase 2.”
She appreciates the attention you are giving her nipples, this she makes clear so you move into “phase 3.” Your hand moves into position and you are gentle yet confident as you approach the target zone and her breathing is increasing and just as you are moving towards infiltration there it is in a soft voice but clear enough…


So your hand freezes in space but you’re smooth, and your kissing doesn’t miss a beat despite the fact that you are totally bewildered. “What the hell?” you think. “She wanted to come back to MY place.”

Hey, you’re confused…its ok. You are laying there kissing numbly trying to figure out if maybe you ate too much yakiniku and that is the problem, then you feel her soft warm hand grab yours and softly yet unmistakably push your hand toward its original target. She guides you right in there sure as a special forces team laser tagging an Insurgent compound and then proceeds to even assist you in um….”delving deeper than you had originally intended.”

This is the Yada conundrum.

Yada in Japanese basically means “No don’t” or “that’s no good” or something along those lines. So, as you can imagine this is not the phrase you want to hear when you are trying to make that sweet love gravy with your Japanese princess love-of-your-life….or is it???

As I am sure some people will say, this happens in lots of countries. A woman saying “No” or “don’t” when in fact she wants to have sex.  See, here’s the thing,  even trying to explain that in English gives me the chills and I feel well….gross. In the society that I was brought up in when a woman says “No.” That’s it. The games over. You don’t pass go and there is no 200 dollars in colorful play money. You just get ready for a hand job (that you could do yourself, 99% of time more effectively) or a frigid awkward moment or two or even a slap in the face.

“No” means “No” and the one time I heard a guy tell me proudly about an encounter he had with a girl in his dorm and how he had figured “No means yes man, know what I mean? hahaha yeah….” but I didn’t know what he meant and I explained that to him in no uncertain terms with my fist against his teeth. In America when a woman says no or stop that’s it. You stop.

This is the essence of the Yada controversy.

It happens OFTEN with Japanese women. Yada Yaaaada but if you just stop and decide “Oh well I guess not tonight” 9 times out of 10 the girl is sort of…bewildered. I  personally have broken off activity and resigned myself to a night of abstinence only to have the woman with me, 5 minutes later ask, “Whats wrong? You don’t like me? Why don’t you have sex with me?”


I have roamed around the Land of the Rising sun searching for answers. I have had a mixed variety with essentially the same bottom line; Yada Means Yada except for when it doesn’t.  Ah…Japan.

So as one female friend explained it….

Ummmm sou ne….well you know Japanese men like girls to be so cute and weak. Weaker than them. Cute is huge.  This is a very attractive point for Japanese men. They want to feel that the girl is pure and innocent but at the same time they want her to be able to perform all kinds complex skill requiring  sexual acts…like this is in the DNA or something, like eating. It’s stupid. But it is another piece of Japanese culture somehow. Sometimes when a girl says Yada it’s for real, but I think if she is serious for you to stop she will say DAME (NO!) or Yamete (STOP!) or even Kimoi! ( GROSS!) something like that. Maybe Yada has become like some kind of sex talk. But I think you still need to be careful if a girl says it.

Whoa. Thanks for helping…yet not at all.

It seems that in the end the Yada enigma is like so many other things in Japan. It is essential that one be able to gauge the situation and take stalk. Do not be K.Y. (unable to gauge a situation or literally “Unable to read the air”).

Do not miss the reading of the air in this situation or you will either make this woman who is clearly into you feel insufficient or you will get a visit from the cops or maybe if you’re lucky, her Yakuza daddy. Fun, right?

Culture people. It runs deep. I would say though that in my opinion, when a woman says “No” just assume she means it. If you’re wrong and she really likes you she will come looking for it in oh about…T-minus 5 minutes or so. Better safe than sorry…or extremely damaging. Beware of the Yada….it is a tricky little bitch.

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