Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, feliz navidad, As-salamu alaykum or whatever greeting you feel is appropriate this time of year. I prefer raising drinks to CHEERS! personally.

Today I was walking through the icy streets of Tokyo, past the endless lines of Japanese waiting hours to get their KFC Fried Chicken. Which still amazes me how the Japanese can take the West’s rampant commercialism of Christmas and just take it to the next level!

Japanese Christmas line up for KFC
Cause nothing says Christmas like a fat guy with a suit and beard … wait a second!

The sky was the perfect ocean blue, making the day crisp, but the wind tore through my jacket like I was wearing some greased stained wife beater. I was just trying to survive the time it took to march through the concrete labyrinth that is Tokyo, to the comfort of the heated train.

Of course as I thought of the phrase “trying to survive” a magical process caused my brain to reach back into my grey matter to that song Staying Alive. Luckily instead of having to deal with the cold and some disco song endlessly repeating in my head, I have programmed my brain to remember this video with Vinnie Jones:

Which besides telling us that we don’t kiss anyone anymore during CPR gives us a guide for keeping the heart beating. While watching Vinnie be sure to note the dirty warehouses, hairless hooligans, all the great cliches of English gangster movies, which are some of the best gangster movies in the world.

So I was quite surprised at the result of the American version of this video:

Which is OK but pales in comparison to the British one. The Hangover
guy was there, which makes sense because he is actually a doctor in real life but I guess he can only do caricatures of small Asian people, contract thing maybe?

That was really the best they could do? An edgy American mafia knock up would have had the potential to go viral but no they had to go with the American cliches, boring uncool WASPs, Tits and ass with the throwaway stereotype minority.

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