Follow @gaijinass Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, feliz navidad, As-salamu alaykum or whatever greeting you feel is appropriate this time of year. I prefer raising drinks to CHEERS! personally.
Today I was walking through the icy streets of Tokyo, past the endless lines of Japanese waiting hours to get their KFC Fried Chicken. Which still amazes me how the Japanese can take the West’s rampant commercialism of Christmas and just take it to the next level!
The sky was the perfect ocean blue, making the day crisp, but the wind tore through my jacket like I was wearing some greased stained wife beater. I was just trying to survive the time it took to march through the concrete labyrinth that is Tokyo, to the comfort of the heated train.
Of course as I thought of the phrase “trying to survive” a magical process caused my brain to reach back into my grey matter to that song Staying Alive.
Which besides telling us that we don’t kiss anyone anymore during CPR gives us a guide for keeping the heart beating. While watching Vinnie be sure to note the dirty warehouses, hairless hooligans, all the great cliches of English gangster movies, which are some of the best gangster movies in the world.
So I was quite surprised at the result of the American version of this video:
Which is OK but pales in comparison to the British one. The Hangover
guy was there, which makes sense because he is actually a doctor in real life but I guess he can only do caricatures of small Asian people, contract thing maybe?
That was really the best they could do? An edgy American mafia knock up would have had the potential to go viral but no they had to go with the American cliches, boring uncool WASPs, Tits and ass with the throwaway stereotype minority.
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I had yet to see the American version, it is boring. And if they were going for tits they should have gone for shirts that thee girls at Hooters wear. *headshake* I now have to erase that sad PSA from my mind. Thanks
The American version has an asian woman so that imediately puts it first in my book. Although it could do without the guy from myth busters. They just honestly get some stuff wrong on that show and it bugs me. They could have replaced all but the Asian woman and used the cast of the Sopranos instead. Still, there is some deeper stuff here. No mouth to mouth… Used to be a questionable thing cause they might puke, but now its all about the sick high rates of the herps in the states. The hey don’t worry if you break a rib thing is there cause…well… in the states we grow some real bovines. These fatties are hard to do any medical procedures on and you gotta push like you’ve never pushed before to get that fat @$$’s rib cage moving. I say F*** IT! let the fat BASTARD die. They would probably find some excuse to sue you over (right now they are suing shape up tennis-shoes cause fatty can’t read warnings and tried to run to the donut and fell) and law suits in the states stick no matter how stupid. Plus the whale on the beach American was gonna die of a heart attack next week anyway and then get revived all taking up space and time at a hospital and preventing people who deserve treatment from getting it. Fatty will probably sue the hospital too. God, let em die and thats one less handicapt scooter at walmart being used up by some self important F*** who was just gonna run over your foot anyway and then laugh at the people who really need the handicapt scooter and are having trouble walking cause fatty has the damn scooter smashed somewhere that never gets cleaned. I could go on. The point is, if someone is having a heart attack…grab some pop corn and video that $#!+ with your phone so you can show it too children. YES SHOW CHILDREN! Why? Its simple, so they know what is in their near future. My god 12 year olds now come in 230 pound versions! Also be sure to walk some fatkins fatkids through the intensive care unit so they can see 400 pound dissability wasting mom all grey and stuffed full of weird tubes and wires like a damn zombie cyborg. Thank you nintendo for doing away with the motion controller and giving us the Wii U so that we can go back to sitting on our butts, oh god yes you even made it portable so we can sit on a chair in the front of the gym playing it. Better to keep your game going rather than shed some pounds, dont want it interupted by some pesky activity. Right now a common question to ask a doctor with any medicine in the states seems to be “Doctor is my heart healthy enough for sex?” Really… food so important that you may make yourself unable to have sex…and you’re still crammin your pie hole! Next comedies will come with warnings. This comedy may cause unsafe laughing. If you get light headed or red faced during the funny parts contact a doctor imediately……….Work Time Fun !?
You can secure a razor blade to the base of a tree, put a salt solution on it and a rabbit will come lick it. Their tongues have no nerves for sensing pain, so they keep licking it, and tasting the salt which they apparently love. They bleed out, essentially gorging themselves in this dream like salt orgy. Sounds familiar.
I am not normally one to go about hurting animals; however if it is a quick death for them and really frikin gory (been squirel hunting with a twelve guage…one died slow and I felt bad, but the circumstances were a thing of epic badassness…draging its guts up the side of a tree…that little tree rat has my respect and admiration) then I am the first to stand and observe the aftermath. People, well as long as its not me in pain that $#!+ is good from beginning to end. Hmmm, maybe if I used some sort of deep fried desert-food-stuff I could get a few States people to gorge themselves to death (just a bit faster than they otherwise would of their own acord anyway).
I should elaborate a bit on the animal thing. I hate hurting animals and can’t stand hearing one in pain. It makes me want to help it when I hear an animal in pain. People, well they just give me a headache and their noises tend to be anoying. I can watch an animal die a quick gory death and its facinating. If the animal is suffering I feel tortured, unless its really really gory. Then I feel tortured, guilty, and somewhat fascinated. People, there is nothing bad about watching them suffer unless it has a noise level that can bring on a headache. Being at the scene of an accident or kill (like a shot deer getting skinned) doesn’t really bother me as far as odors go unless the bile sack happens to get cut or pierced. That smell (no matter how bad my nose is clogged from allergies) is one I never want to have to put up with again. Maybe I am desensatized. I have seen plenty of gory stuff and was going to be a mortician when I couldn’t think of anything better to do after high school (my high school years I was really into the idea and studying it a lot and even watched a video of how the body is prepared, sewing the bottom jaw shut and taking out the eyes and so on). Been around hunting and fishing all my life and my dad was a butcher for awhile. Had plenty of first aid training and went the next step and got ahold of a nursing manual (to further my studies in first aid) that had some real pictures of accidents that are beyond the norm. Taken a tour of a hog slaughtering plant. I’ve seen a few horrific accidents. My favorite photographer is Joel-Peter Witkin. I can confidentally say that movies, TV, and videogames Have nothing on real life and have done very little to desensatize me. I seek out some fairly messed up movies too. Theres a lot else, but that should suffice in explaining some of why I must most surely be desensatized. Violence towards animals just doesn’t do it for me. Although learning something like this rabbit trick can be useful when applied to how things work, and think, and other situations. So it is valuable and certainly useful knowledge that goes a long way towards a good strong comparison to the fat worship in the states. My god, chubby chasers are the norm now and those who seek women with a healthy physique are the minority. As for the tree rat 12 gauge hunting, most die instantly. That one though… if reincarnation is real he will be hunting my cousin that shot him. The gut shot wasn’t intentional, but its 12 guage vs tree rats not the most accurate sciency sniper type shooting. Well my thai food is getting cold and I am fairly sure I butchered the english language enough to set humanity back a few years here with gramar and spelling and such type errors…
This Potzo troll is pazzo! A complete loony toon. He’s writing from a half-way house. The nutter!