The end of the Japanese school year and things were made clear:
Make the Exam so damn easy a blind monkey with an eye patch, wearing a beret spitting Beech Nut could pass it…OR ELSE.
I sit down and I brainstorm on how to make this happen. I go ahead and make a review sheet. On this sheet, it’s all there. A series of simple exercises we will all do together in class which will ENSURE that everyone can get a perfect test score.
I say again: ALL THE ANSWERS ARE ON THE TEST REVIEW SHEET.
The following does dawn on me though: When I was in school I am fairly certain some desperate, near insane educator ( a real one, not someone using the “job” for the massive amount of paid vacation time in order to enjoy all his hobbies and essentially stay on summer vacation for the last 6 year’s) tried this trick on me.
My point is that I know how little some students care. I also know, however, that they only need 31 damn percent to PASS. COME ON!
So, after I made the review sheet and did it in class, I then decided to make the exams even easier. Like buying meth from an Asian kid in Irvine easy. Although the title on the exam said “2nd Grade English Writing” I am here to tell the world that in fact, there was very little writing being done. Multiple choice was the order of the day. I suppose they had to write their names in English, but several students opted out of that and used Japanese and one didn’t write anything at all.
Now, before you look at the following, keep in mind, every question, EVERY SINGLE ONE, was on the review sheet. We went over it in class. I walked around the class room mumbling “perfect test chance….perfect test chance”. Students were giving me weird looks and one girl, concerned, asked me “Are you…OK?” Baby doll, I am…just forget it. ….well….just read on.
Question 1.
What is the Definition of “New Year’s Resolution?” Circle one.
1.
And yes….6 people chose “D, Build a Killer Robot”. About 14 people choose “A, Trip to Europe for shopping!” and one girl even drew a smiling face on the Test Paper next to that answer…this was almost too much and I nearly stapled my tongue to my chin. I bought a coffee instead.
Obviously some people got it right and this was interesting. The students who got the answer on this one right, most of them aced the whole exam. So that means they listened during the review and spent 10 minutes on the bus before school reviewing. Wow. I’m depressed, oops, I mean impressed. I cannot bring myself to be too down on anyone though, as I remember my feats of academic excellence VERY clearly. What I feel now is more pity, not for the students, but for my old teachers. Jesus, God only knows what Ms. Kinard, my 10th grade English lit teacher thought when she saw me roll into class everyday. I wonder if she had a cyanide capsule in a ring ready for the swallowing or if she was just going to eat a bullet when the time came. She had a full size, floor to ceiling promotional poster from the movie The Last of the Mohicans
on her room wall, and I can remember her sighing, oh yes more than once, and gazing over at Daniel Day-Lewis, tomahawk in hand. Then there was me, looking like a extra from UHF smelling as though I just lost an impromptu enema contest.
I don’t really think of myself as a “TEACHER” per se but more of a consultant, so my heart goes out to the REAL, FULLTIME teachers, here and in the USA. God Bless you people because you are doing a job I simply would not wish on a broke dick dog. Keep up the good work.
If you like this then, you should check more from the “Japan ain’t so fucked up” series:
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| Keeping Bathroom money | Paying the Bribe in Japan | Dudes on the Corner | Hosts in Japan | Making Friends in Japan |
Gaijinass 
Hahaha, I cracked up at the girl who put the smiley face next to her answer.
That’s funny as hell.
Please tell me everyone got the 31% correct.
I would definitely go for a killer robot though, like, if that was the qustion that you were really asking about.
Now I want a robot.
I am, by no means, saying killer robots arent the shit, because it is a well known universal fact that they are.
Hi, I just finished a TESOL teaching degree in the States last year and then I moved to Japan (on Kyushu). This April I’m gonna start working as an ALT in a jr high or elementary school. When I read posts like this I feel like I’m really going to get myself in trouble by trying to actually TEACH things, and then when they tell me not to, asking why the hell shouldn’t I make the damn kids learn a bit? Don’t they WANT the kids to learn English?? Oh man, I haven’t even started and I have a bad feeling about this. Any tips? btw thanks for the posts about arrest procedures and health care.
Jon
thanks for stopping by.
Tips: Calm down. That’s a good start.
All the sarcastic posts about teaching here are unless I am mistaken, exclusively about one school I happen to work at that is pretty bad. It is the brunt of every corny joke regarding teaching in Japan. It really is that actualization of the stereotypes. I don’t think you will find me writing about my other schools because they are actually really fun, constructive places to work at.
It is really case by case.
You could get a great school or you could get a prison population, coin toss really.
More than likely, you will have a couple good classes that are motivated and fun and the rest will forever frustrate you.
Help the ones that want it, don’t worry about the ones that don’t. Just be a good example for whatever country you come from.
Thanks for your reply. “Calm down” is great advice- reading my previous post, it sounds pretty frantic and nervous. I haven’t got my specific assignments yet, but now I know that I’ll be going between a few different jr. high schools. I’m sure I’ll get a wide variety of classes/students/experiences. I’m American btw, from Wisconsin. Go Packers- gonna win the Superbowl this year!
In the Seventh grade (yep just junior high fresh out of gradeschool) my class got the music teacher to have a nervous breakdown and forever quit teaching. She was a nice teacher and really tried to make the class fun and get through to us; hell she played nirvana songs in class and a shonen knife song.
Was this some hardcore big city class full of ghetto warriors? Nope corn fed Iowa. It really is just a cointoss anywhere you go. If your teaching and not making the kids lives forever filled with nightmares and rage then your doing great and I respect you. My greatest teacher was an alcoholic (so was the principal that year, both highschool).
I could never be brave enough to be a teacher. Although my favorite pen pal says she is learning english very easily and at a good pace from my letters. God she is awesome. ….. : ) ahhhhhhhhhh Saya….. F***! my cheeks hurt from smilling. All I did was think about her stupid f’n random ass smile for no reason.
wow needed a period after the word “her”. lol face still hurts. I have never actually seen Saya smile yet. I bet it is awesome. I wonder if she smiles like the olimpian Yamada that was on female mount Sasuke (female ninja warrior for those in the states).
Anyway good luck future teacher and Keep up the good work Gaijinass, you are far braver than I. Teaching is so insane. Rodger Swan, before he died, got assigned to Iwate for his teaching. His youtube videos (called Iwate Swan) may still be up on youtube. You should check them out Jon Hendricks.