Zen Master

Guest Post from the Japan addict and junkie, The Zen Master

Greetings and salutations my fine feathered ‘Gaijin’ comrades er uhh I mean friends. So how is life in Japan these days? I take it you’re probably having your monthly “What the hell am I doing in Japan?” menstruation right about now. Don’t worry so am I. It really is nothing to be ashamed of and In fact, it is completely one hundred percent normal. So don’t fret or feel sad lonely and depressed just grin and bear it and take comfort knowing there are others out there that feel the exact same way as you do. OK, and In the meantime perhaps I can offer you some words of comfort and wisdom a little ‘verbal Tampax’ if you will, to ease the discomfort.

Let’s take a long slow deep breath, that’s it, slowly, as you inhale visualize the 2.5mm pollution particle filled air from China seeping deeper and deeper into the lower cavities of your lungs, energizing each and every capillary, hold and exhale. Ahhh see don’t you feel better now? I knew you would, now let’s just hope there was no radioactive pollen in there.

In all seriousness it’s not that bad of a place is it? Japan. And if it was, you’re smart, you wouldn’t still be here would you? Think of all the idiosyncrasies you have developed and experiences you’ve had since setting foot in the land of the rising sun. I am as sure as the shit caked on the side of a Japanese squatter toilet by the guy who just used it before you that you wouldn’t want to trade them or give them away for anything.

The characters and friends you have made, all priceless. Except that one son of a bitch you work with on Wednesdays, God we hate him. Don’t call me ‘Dude’ ever again you fucking cunt. Whoops, OK, let me clarify something, I am a zen master; but every now and then I like to come down to the earthly realm and vent my frustrations just like the rest of you. Lets continue..

Remember that time you were stalked by your 50 year old butt ugly boss with missing teeth who kept asking you to marry her? That was not so funny at the time, but now you can just look back and laugh about it right, hahaha. Same goes for all of you who went down with the Nova ship. I told you that last payment was never going to come.

Anyway, my point is that with time all your troubles and obstacles that seemed so insurmountable at the time will become trivial distant memories floating around in your continually alcohol flooded cranium and will not phase you in the least bit. Your early years here in Japan have made you strong and give you strength to do and accomplish all your dreams.

OK, Still not convinced this is the place for you? OK, fair enough, It’s not my job to convince you it is or isn’t . Only you can ultimately decide where you belong on this great big planet. Search your heart and search your soul and then walk around Tokyo on a warm spring day looking at all the female 20 somethings in short skirts and high heels prancing down the street and then you will know where you truly belong.

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