November 4, 2010

NLP: The Value of Change

Posted by gaijinass under NLP | Tags: Albert Einstein, Change, How to Change, NLP, presuppositions, Stop Drinking, Stop shopping, Stop smoking, Why to Change |
[10] Comments

NLP: The Value of Change

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

We all know that Einstein really knew what he was talking about. That having been said however, the above quote has become quite trendy lately and despite having such a simple meaning, it is often misunderstood. In NLP or Neural Linguistic Programming, an often utilized presupposition is worded similarly yet has more immediate and commonly accepted implications.

If you go on doing what you’re doing now you are very likely to go on getting the same results you are getting now.

If we were to strip this statement down to its most basic components the simplest way to interpret it would be that “We are all responsible for our own lives.” This is a fairly weighty statement, one that most people would rather not truly embrace.

There is often a lot of talk, particularly in Western culture, regarding people being “free” and having the “right” to live their life however they see fit. This is a fine concept and rightly trumpeted as the backbone of America etc. The actual situation, the reality, is much more diffuse when we begin to remove the blinders people like us are programmed to wear and recognize the ever-present “Double Think” at work. People have total control over their lives and we are all responsible for our own actions….wait for it….UNTILL something unpleasant or negative happens, then it is someone elses fault. A commonly accepted escape route from individual failures. Obviously this is nonsense.

If you go to the drive in delivery window at a fast food vendor, order coffee then it spills in your lap, those mild burns and discomfort are your fault. If you over eat and become obese, that is your fault. If you move from Michigan to Florida and a hurricane ravages the area destroying all you own, that is also your fault. Step one for radical life change is simple enough yet daunting for most:

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY, TOTALLY and WITHOUT EXCEPTION FOR ALL YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES, GOOD AND BAD.

Now to the presupposition stated above. If you do what you have always done, you will continue to get what that action has always delivered. If you know that you are abusing alcohol; by this I mean that your finances are negatively impacted due to your over indulgence or your health is failing because of it or other similar examples it should be clear that you need to decrease the amount you drink. It is necessary to identify why you drink so much, not some abstract concept involving the school bully when you were 8 or the fact that you used to wet your bed, but rather the day-to-day circumstances that “trigger” you to drink. For example, if you always take the same route to come home after a long day at the office and you have a habit of stopping by the pub outside the station for a pint just to “relax”, which inevitably leads to 4 pints, and a stop at the convenience store near your home for 2 cans of something that culminates in you finishing off the rest of the vodka you had in the freezer then the initial trigger that you need to avoid is the pub. The pub, and your regular visits are the first domino tipping over that brings about the cascade of events leaving you hung over at 0730 AM and 60 dollars lighter in the wallet.

How to de-activate this mechanism? Change your pattern. Avoid the pub. Plan to meet a friend to work out after the office three days a week. It is doubtful, unless you are already a full-blown lush that you will hit the sauce pre-workout. Just by working out you have already broken your pattern. Even if you have a beer at home after training the pattern is not the same. Your entire body chemistry has been changed and re-organized and it is likely you will not be drinking as much as normal.

Another option would simply be taking a left out of your office instead of taking the right going to the pub. Take the stairs instead of the Lift you normally take. Hold your brief case in the opposite hand you normally do. Add small changes to your normal pattern untill everything you are doing is different and it will be much easier to simply not go to the pub. Change works. Small changes compound to deliver large results.

Although I have used the example referring to the pub and over-drinking, the advice works for anything: Over-eating, depression, general over spending, smoking, drug use, procrastination, relationship trouble and literally everything else.

To review: the small variations you make can culminate in dramatic change. If you don’t change, neither will your life. Do not prove Einstein right, he is surely arrogant enough in the afterlife. Produce change.

March 29, 2010

Pattern interrupt: Change the bad to good

Posted by gaijinass under NLP | Tags: NLP, Pattern Interrupt, Submodalities, Swish Pattern |
[2] Comments

In my previous post I gave you a basic introduction to NLP and the concept of a Pattern Interrupt. Today in this blog I am going to go into more detail and explain how you can employ some very simple imagery to drastically increase your chances of overcoming a bad habit.

Sub modalities
Before I talk procedures, I need to explain a bit about Submodalities and what they are. Submodalities in neuro-linguistic programming are distinctions of form or structure (rather than content) within a sensory representational system. I know, “Riiiight.”

To put this more plainly, Submodalities are basically just how you are remembering and storing some form of information. For example, think of your first favorite toy or stuffed animal when you were a kid. Now, is it monochrome or is it in color? In the picture are you looking through your own eyes holding your little Pooh Bear or are you watching yourself do this?

These are examples of Visual Submodalities.

Now there are essentially FIVE primary categories of Submodalities within NLP and these are:

Visual
Auditory
Kinesthetic
Olfactory
Gustatory

The Point?

If you have a handle on this Submodalities and recognize how important they are in your current patterns of behavior, you can fairly easily perform what is called a Pattern Interrupt.

The Procedure

First I would like to point out that this procedure works best when you work with a coach. The reason for this is that the coach can push the pace of the exercise to an area just beyond where your conscious mind is comfortable and this is ideal. If you don’t have someone you can work with though, you can easily try on your own.

FIRST- Identify a negative pattern or bad habit you would like to change. You should have your list from my last post….if not, take the time now to find something. The type of Pattern interrupt we are discussing here is called a “Swish Pattern” and these work best with relatively small bad habits. For example, if you bite your nails this would be a good pattern interrupt for that. Or if you go to the 7/11 obsessively at night for no reason. You can use this pattern to work on that. Bigger more deeply ingrained problems such as smoking and sex addiction take more advanced Pattern Disrupts so we will fix those later.
NEXT- you have the negative pattern you want to change? Good. Now think of what you would like to replace it with. It’s best if the two things are somehow similar. For example, if you bite your nails, maybe instead of doing that, you’d like to run your hand through your hair. Or if you go to 7/11 for no reason, maybe you’d rather you just went into the kitchen and made some toast. Whatever. Figure that out now.

NEXT- Ok. You need to see the negative pattern in your head. See yourself biting your nails and make sure the image is ASSOCIATED. That means, seeing it through your eyes. Now check for sounds of you biting your nails. Just see it and in a second, condense all that imagery into one picture. Ok now, imagine the POSITIVE PATTERN image, you running your hand through your hair. This image should be DISASSOCIATED or, you are seeing yourself do this from a few feet away or from up above. This is vital. Check both images in your mind now.

NEXT- recall or illicit the negative image of you biting your nails. Now let that image fly away from you like it is the rubber band on a sling shot, its pulling further away so far you cant see it, all in a second. When the band comes flying and snapping back into place, it’s the positive image. Your hand running through your hair. Now clear your mind’s screen.

Now, do that again. See the negative image. It draws away quickly and as it snaps back its the positive image. Clear the screen.

Do that again. Clear the screen.

Do that again. Clear the Screen.

Do it faster this time.

faster.

faster

faster.

Generally it takes between 3 and 21 rotations of this for it to start to stick. You can see now why working with a coach might help. Their verbal cues can push you to an area your mind has trouble going to alone. Thats the point.

This DOES NOT destroy a bad pattern or habit. What it does is, it interrupts it. So that instead of following your default and biting your nails, you are left with more time or room to choose something else. An alternative behavior.

Again, working with a coach is somewhat necessary and the results so far are good. I have not had a late night foray to the 7/11 in over a week.

Much more on NLP in the future.

March 25, 2010

Failure is a choice?

Posted by gaijinass under NLP, Report | Tags: Bad Habits, Be more confident, Chance Bad Habits, NLP, Pattern Interrupt, Quit Drinking, Quit Over eating, Quit Smoking, Save money, Self Help, Submodalities, Swish Patterns |
1 Comment

In life, generally, there is no real prize for being second place.

In the world, the real world, it breaks down in what I call 80/20.

80% of you, that’s 80% of the of everyone you know, essentially looks at themselves as a failure. They never took that big shot. They never went for it. When they did go and test themselves and failed, they just shrug their shoulders:

“Oh well, I tried.”
“Oh well, I gave it my best shot.”
“This just isn’t in me…”

Frankly speaking, that’s crap.

The only thing, the ONLY thing that separates that 80% of normal, average “would-a, could-a, should-a” folks from that top 20% of DOERS and HOT SHOTS are four little letters.

W I L L

Thats right, WILL.

The WILL to try, and the WILL to change.
People that succeed, most of them don’t do it the first time out. They fail. However, after this failure they look up and think of why they failed, they analyze their mistakes and then take the necessary steps to correct those mistakes and crush their weak points.

What I am telling you is that FAILURE IS A CHOICE.

Start Changing right Now

I have spent my life, literally my life traveling the World and looking for answers, whether I knew it or not. I am only 31 years of age but I have done so much up to this point, when I sit down and reflect on the ebbs and flows of my life or try to imagine my story being written I have to laugh, literally, out loud, because:

If I did write my story, complete and in its entirety NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE IT! It’s actually been that insane at times.

The other amazing fact is that I’m not even close to being finished. I love self discovery and self growth. About a month ago, for reasons I am not quite sure of yet (although I have a basic idea) I decided it was time again to start my next evolution. I was pouring over the journals I keep and considering options and through various routes I found myself making a list of the behaviors that I dislike about myself.

These were mostly silly, small points that are a nuisance when isolated yet when brought together can cause more serious trouble for me. Working together these bad habits can equal the potential failure of a goal or goals I am currently working on.

Let me give you an example.

going to the local convenience store in the evening to get a drink, a snack or something like that.
not cooking my big meals because it is a hassle, even though when I cook its dramatically more delicious than most places I go out to eat at! ; )
shopping at the bigger supermarket instead of the discount market just because they have more pre-made ready to eat type of dishes and just a lot of stuff.

Now, take a look at these. None of these are OMINOUS, end of the WORLD type of bad habits, unless of course… I get shanked at the convenience store by an angry 12 year old at 1 in the morning or, I fall off the escalator in the super market while trying to look up someone skirt (a Behavior I am COMPLETELY FINE WITH!)….so whats the problem?

Well, if one of my Goals now is to save 150,000 yen per month, and it is, and I spend lets say 1,000 yen per day at the 7/11 buying a couple beers and some peanuts, then I’m spending an extra 1000 yen at the bento shop getting my lunch or dinner and then when I make my bi-weekly super market trips I’m spending an extra 3,000 per trip at the big super market just because they have more CRAP I don’t need….that comes out to about an extra 80,000 a month. If I am cooking at home and shopping discount, I have calculated my total food expenditure, not including going to eat with friends etc, because I’d do that regardless, once or twice a week, if I cook at home or not, is only 30,000 yen. That means I am spending…oh sorry…WASTING about 50,000 yen per month, or 500USD per month, literally just wasting it on crap, laziness and MOST IMPORTANTLY, BAD HABITS.

What are BAD HABITS?
Your parents taught you about “Bad habits” but what they didn’t bother to teach you (much at all), is the definition of a “Bad Habit”.
Well I am going to fix that now.

Bad habits are just patterns of behavior that are not conducive to success in your life.

THATS IT.

Having said that, now remember that: BAD HABITS ARE JUST PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR.

So…what are we?

WE ARE HUMANS, WE ARE PEOPLE
People are not things. You are not a NOUN. Get that stupid concept out of your head.
What you ARE is a very complex and ever shifting PROCESS. Thats it. You are a collection of process’ that continually evolve, shift and move. If you think about this you will realize its true.
Now, this is the first and most basic concept of NLP or Neuro-linguistic programming
All your processes and shifting etc are what produce what you consider to be YOUR REALITY. Everyone’s reality is completely unique and there is no way for anyone else to understand yours. This reality you live in is part of the reason you have patterns, positive and negative. Your patterns both negative and positive are triggered by things. Once you understand that you can change things.

For example:

In the evenings, while I am online, reading or watching a Movie, I have a pattern that involves eating. I got this pattern from my father and it is a comfort mechanism. When that certain time in the evening comes, regardless of whether I SHOULD be hungry or not, I feel like I want to eat, because that time on the clock and those activities ie; watching a movie, reading, etc have all been neurologically linked to that by years of defective behaviors that started when I was very young.
Another example, not my own but very feasible. A man works all day at the office. He comes home tired and unhappy. He sees his wife’s face when he comes in the house. The next day he comes home tired and unhappy and sees his wife’s face, again. next week the same, the next month the same. Pretty soon, ANYTIME HE LOOKS AT HIS WIFE’S FACE he begins to feel TIRED AND UNHAPPY because her face has been neurologically linked to those emotions.

GOT THE MESSAGE NOW?

So much of what you are doing that is self-destructive etc are just bad patterns. The good news is this: It’s frankly, quite easy to change these. I have been doing it to great success. What you do is called a “PATTERN INTERRUPT”.

Try to think of your behaviors are records, LPs. You put them on the turntable and they play. Now, if you were to SCRATCH that record, it couldn’t play, it would be interrupted, and you’d have to change the record.

With NLP, you can do that. Interrupt the record, interrupt your negative patterns.

First however, before we take the next step together, what you should do is make a list of your “Bad Habits.”

Sit down, think about your LIFE GOALS, break them down. Now, look at your patterns of behaviour and find the ones that are NOT CONDUCIVE to your success. Make a long list, even small ones are ok. Being able to IDENTIFY your weak points is what can turn you into a member of that successful 20%!

FAILURE IS A CHOICE!

Keep that list and check back here because I will post the next article about the easy, ten minute exercise you can do to CHANGE YOUR BAD HABITS.

Gaijinass