Ohhhhh today. I have too much, too much to write about…and its only 10 AM.
Lucky for all of you, I am painfully free at “work” today. Lets not waste anytime.
Fag with Deathwish
Elton John, you silly, death wish having Homo. In case anyone is not as trite as me, and you missed this earth shattering news because you were reading about the offensive in Afghanistan or something that matters, let me fill you in.
Elton John has said that Jesus was Gay.
My immediate first thought was “Man I hope he has some body guards, and I hope they are tougher than the lunatics who just wrote Blasphemin` Elton John Queer on the white board in the basement labeled People to abduct and torture gruesomely in 2010.
His exact words were:
“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don’t know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East – you’re as good as dead.”
Elton Elton Elton….you are as good as swinging from the end of a rope in the woods in North Carolina someplace. Avoid the United States my friend, that’s all I will say. While your at it, I would steer clear of the Middle east as well. After they beat you, stone you and castrate you for your telling the world that Gay women exist in the Middle east, a concept they all swear is a capitalist virus, I could even see some Haji really getting into the moment and screaming “Yeah! And this is for Jesus, Bitch! ” Sure his friends might stare at him and then he would sort of mumble “well…him and mohammed…sort of the same…ya..know…AND THIS GUYS A FAG!” And then they all collectively shrug, and saw your head off with a dull russian combat dagger his father took off the corpse of a 19 year old russky conscript back in `88. All this broadcast live on Al Jazzera, maybe your hit tune “Your song” playing softly in the background. Just stay away. The only thing you could have said that would have pissed people with guns off more might have been “Johnny Cash likes little 5 year old boys.” If that had happened, you my friend, would already be dead. Count your blessings.
Hollywood in general, sucks. I know it is a huge industry that has been a massive form of human expression, but it sucks. Hollywood has nothing, zippo to do with the real world in which, people really die, people are starving, they have AIDs and Governments lie all the time. It’s all bunk, smoke and mirrors. That having been said, we love films because they allow us to get out, escape etc. Do actors and actresses deserve these MASSIVE FORTUNES? No. they are talented puppets. Some guy with an idea tells them what to do and they do it. They get an unlimited amounted of chances to do it correctly as well. I stand unimpressed.
Due to this and other factors I find the Oscars overly pretentious and silly. Silly being the best word. But even something silly can warrant my wrath when things go to far.
The big 2010 movies this year at the Oscars:
- The Hurt Locker
- District 9
- Inglorious Bastards
- A serious Man
- Up in the Air
I got tired and depressed just typing that. That is how totally and completely lacking in worth that list is. I know, I know, yes, Hurt Locker is a good flick. I might even watch it twice. Avatar, saw it once, will never see it again untill I have kids who want to watch or something. Precious was ok. Inglorious Bastards, Entertaining, once watched. A Serious man was seriously boring. Up and Up in the Air…well obviously, I did not see Up and I will not. Up in the air, it was just Clooney being Clooney and I’m over that (funny note, when he ISN’T Clooney, meaning when he acts, everyone hates him except me. Like in Syriana, he was awesome in that.) . District 9 is a lot of fun but, its a movie about aliens…come on. Aliens over South Africa at that. We all know, nobody cares about South Africa…not since they ended apartheid anyway.
Look at 2008.
- No Country for old Men
- There will be blood
- Eastern Promises
Holy shit…those are MOVIES. No country for old men is so intense, it makes Hurt Locker look like a documentary about a Caribbean vacation. Daniel Day-Lewis won best actor, of course with Javier Bardem getting best supporting actor and Phillip Seymour Hoffman (this guy is big now, but I think he is going to be immeasurably huge in the future. MI3 anyone? The Talented Mr. Ripley? ) right behind him for Charlie Wilsons war.
Now look at 2009.
- Slum Dog Millionaire
- The Reader
Slum Dog millionaire, I know, nothing even near 2008 but clearly more impressive than say….Avatar for gods sake. But 2009 brought two VERY weighty and interesting factors into the Academy Awards. One was The Wrestler with Mickey Rourke which frankly should have won BEST FUCKING PICTURE, and second, was Heath Legder (RIP, and I mean it.) winning Best Supporting Actor for his terrifying role as the Joker in The Dark Knight. I like Jason Bourne and all…but sorry, Damon’s performance in Invictus cannot hold a candle, even a small one, to Ledger as the Joker. Haunting is the word that comes to mind.
2010 looks bleak. It will come down to The Hurt Locker and Avatar. Suck. A pretty ok military movie vs a video game. God help us all.
The most insulting thing about 2010 is this…let me Juxtapose these two things, place these side by side in your mind…There will be Blood and Inglorious Bastards. What the…? How can these two movies both occupy the same categories (despite being from different years)???? Tarantino is a FUCKING COLLAGE ARTIST! His movies might be fun, but I assure you, he is at home laughing it up that he even got nominated. Yes, something “Is rotten in Denmark” indeed.
Chuo line, this morning, 0715. Mitaka station, doors open, various people get on, various people get off. Average Highschool girl gets on loaded with all her bags for books and sports. She gets on the train facing me, about 5 feet away, the car isn’t so crowded, she turns around to zone out and stare through the window. As she turns she reveals to everyone in our car that her plaid skirt is caught on her Sports bag that reads “Chuo Gakuin Dance”, and the left side of her butt is clearly visible to everyone. I have to admit I was impressed. She is in good shape, tanned, and was wearing the type of black panties one might expect to encounter on an office woman with some sense about those things…I think she has a date tonight after school, and she means to impress.
Anyway…everyone was staring, trying to pretend they weren’t, nobody says anything, not a word to her, even the other highschool girls on the train. In fact two girls standing together communicate the phenomenon to each other via shifting eye movement and head nods then both, utilizing some form of Joshi Kosei sign language alien to me, make a series of jokes and stifle giggles. I let this go on for about 3 minutes and, fearing that I was going to become totally erect, something I shouldnt do wearing these particularly stylish pants, I stepped across the car and cleared my throat then said in Japanese, without looking at her at all, “Your skirt.” Literally “Omae no Skirto.” I have a bad habit of using “omae” instead of more polite ways to say you like “anata” or “kimi” particularly to anyone wearing a school uniform, male or female..in fact, I guess initially she might of thought I was saying something like…”Your skirt…TAKE IT THE FUCK OFF.” Or something…I need to get this “Omae” thing under control.
Her eyes went wide, and I stepped back to my spot in the corner and tried to watch, as in what seemed like slow motion, her hand went behind her and I saw her posture go rigid, oh yeah, all those young tight muscle flexed up at once, as she realized what has going on, a hand flipped and the problem was solved. She got off at the next station and I avoided the red hot, hateful glances I was getting from about 20 men in the car with me. Hey guys, we had a good look, and yes, it was nice, but I took the initiative, you did not, and she will FOREVER remember me, the kind gaijin. You lose. I win. Suck on it.