Six things in Japan

Japan for most of its history was a closed off hermit of a country locked off from the rest of the world from a mix of remoteness, official policies banning foreigners and wanting to keep hush-hush top-secret programs of breeding ninjas with tentacle porn monsters or “nintacles”. That all changed once American Matthew Perry came on to the scene. In 1854 Admiral Perry of the US Navy ended Japan’s policy of seclusion by using America’s famous softly, softly, policy of “trade with us or we will fucking kill you.”

With their eyes open to the fact that there was a whole other world outside of their little island the Japanese rushed to modernize their primitive feudal society. Anxious to be with all the “cool nations” Japan quickly dropped cultural habits that it had practised for centuries in hopes that it would get picked to go to the prom with all the Western countries. Over the years these Japanese cultural habits that were outlawed became unmentionable in Japan but in recent history they have become popular in the West but are still taboo in Japan.

Tattoo in Japan

Tattoos

Called “Irezumi” in Japan, Tattoos used to be very popular in the land of the rising sun. Japanese society in the Edo period ( basically the 1600s until Japan was cracked open by Perry) was very conservative with the samurai and their honor based society ruling the land. Wealth was seen as almost disgraceful and merchants were placed at the bottom of society’s totem pole to be shit on by everyone else. Laws passed by the ruling samurai class were in place to protect this order to the extreme result that people weren’t allowed to flaunt wealth through clothes with designs, jewellery, etc. But people are people, and those that have it want to show their bling. Over the years the Merchant class got around restrictions against flamboyant clothing but the working class, the 99% of Japanese population, got around the restrictions by inking themselves with elaborate tattoos all over their body.

Tattoo not allowed in Japan

After the rulers of Japan saw the shock of the first white visitors looking at their tattooed population they quickly banned the practice and it lay dormant and over time became associated with Yakuza gangsters and criminality. So much so that now people with tattoos in japan can’t get life insurance, buy a house or even enjoy one of Japan’s most favoured past-times jumping naked into a steaming hot-spring.

Grills and Japanese Ohaguro

Ohaguro = Grills

Before the white devils came to Japan for almost two thousand years the highest of fashion was Ohaguro or the practise of painting your teeth black. Women, and men too, would dye their teeth twice a day with a smelly, tar like substance.

Ohaguro Teeth

Throughout the ages in Japan the sections of society who blackened their teeth changed and by the time Perry sailed into Tokyo Harbor it was married women, unmarried women who were older than 18, prostitutes and geisha.  As a bonus the blackening agent would also prevent tooth decay. The practice died out when European fashion looked down its giant foreign nose at the custom, only to have getting decorations on your teeth through grills, or jewellery on your teeth, explode in urban America.

Gays in Japan
Homosexuality in Japan

Gay men in Japan face intense discrimination. They can’t come out to their co-workers for fear of being ostracized or even fired and often marry into loveless marriages just to satisfy societies’ expectations. But it didn’t always used to be like this. Japan was an intensely macho society and like other macho-macho cultures around the world were seriously into man-on-man action. The Spartans, as well as the infamous all gay Greek army, the Sacred Band of Thebes, and of course the Japanese samurai, all encouraged their warriors to look down upon the weaker sex as nothing but baby machines and look at their hard bodied warrior brothers with lust. After Japan opened up it tried to stamp out sodomy in Japan. Which of course just went underground and is presently actually experiencing a kind of renaissance in Japan, a few decades after the rest of the world.

Japanese Girls

Japanese girls are easy … or they were

Before Perry pried Japan open, exposing it to the world the population lived a feudal life style.   A fraction of the population were the samurai and they, like the European knights of old, owned all the land. The majority of population were peasants who then worked that land. Since only one section of society, the samurai, owned all the land it was only their own women who were expected to have a clear lineage.  Their daughters couldn’t have sex with whoever they wanted as they might get pregnant and then cause problems with passing down the land to the next generation.  These maidens were known as otome  and lived by the standards similar to puritan Victorian England women.

The rest of the population lived by a different enlightened set of rules, it didn’t matter if they had kids before marriage as there was little chance they could own land anyway. So throughout Japan there lived a very liberal society were women were expected to be sexual experienced before settling down into marriage.  Until the western inspired civil code of 1898 women could own land, had equal rights and could divorce as they pleased .  After the 1898 civil code was passed all these rights were striped away and women found themselves treated as minors by the law, totally at the mercy of their male husbands and relatives.

Even though Perry came along bringing all of his western morality with him as the Japanese government discovered a population’s sexuality is hard to stamp out.  Through-out the 1870s and 90s there were a number of books, journal articles and other printed media that espoused the western, virgin worshipping, oppressed sexuality of Victorian Europe, but it didn’t quite take hold in the rice fields of Japan.

For centuries the peasant and urban lower classes followed the Japanese custom of yobai.  Yobai was a culture where a women’s sexuality ruled.  Yobai allowed a women living with her parents to have numerous lovers with no social stigma attached.  Any pregnancies that resulted were looked upon as an indication of a woman’s fertility and were often raised by the girls’ parents as their own.  But as the population moved into the cities of Japan Yobai was slowly beaten out of the population by western Morales and the desire of the Japanese government to turn everyone, outside of the prostitute class, into otome or Virgin Marys.

But laws spawned by western prudish standards couldn’t totally stamp out the Japanese view of sex.  Right up to 40s a common punishment in Japan for out of control daughters was to sell them to a brothel.  After a few, months, or years, they would be bought back, lesson learned and still eligible for marriage.

Drugs in Japan

Marijuana

Marijuana or cannabis has been in Japan for thousands of years and was widely farmed because of the superior hemp fibres found in the plant stem. Hemp production was a major part of Japan’s economy until cotton was introduced from foreign suppliers. Cannabis and hemp were still grown as a recreational drug and farming product until the American occupation. American General Douglas MacArthur and his colleagues rewrote the Japanese constitution in 1948 and included the Taima Torishimari Ho, the Cannabis Control Act.

Drugs that were thought of as “normal” in Japanese society before the occupation, were after the American occupation demonized. Demonized to the point were a situation like infamous fall from grace of “Talento” Noriko Sakai can produce anti-drug hysteria for what was a government sponsored drug 65 years ago.

sexy daikon

Vegetarianism

As a nation of Buddha lovers the Japanese before Perry shunned flesh for reasons similar to India’s Hindus, they believed in reincarnation and didn’t want to kill Uncle Sazuki’s reincarnated soul that came back to this world as a cow. Japan’s rulers since the 600s A.D. actual banned the eating of flesh (although rural areas used to sneak some wild game here or there). Once Japan’s policy of seclusion ended the Japanese were dismayed that their vegetarian habits were looked down upon by the white devils. Not wanting to be seen as backward the government overthrew the anti-meat laws and promptly started slaughtering animals for the cooking pot left and right. The Emperor signalled this change, in 1872, when he ate a nice big juicy steak.

If you like this then you’ll love these:

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Must See: Zuzushi Art Laboratory

So, let me know if you think it’s shit or not, and I’ll be seeing you soon. I think it’s time for a drink.
Adios for now, Tim.
Tim Can

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Thus far we here at Gaijinass have at least attempted to promote any form of ex-pat creativity and activity via what meager means we have at our disposal i.e. this fantastic blog.

Danny Katz and his album Japanese Satellites, all Le Tigers Posts, Batemen and his Haunted Tokyo post and the stuff from Kei at Wakarahen are some examples of foreigners here in Japan and us being awesome and generous by promoting them.

The point of all this self horn blowery is not so clear, however once again Gaijinass is here to bombard your dull alcohol numbed senses with stimuli of the intense variety. With that having been said, I give you Tim, Fumico and the general antics of The Zuzushi Art Laboratory.


Fumico and Tim’s creative avenues first met in 1999 in the Catalan capital of Barcelona in Spain. Fumico, from Tokyo and a background in public art and teaching art, was then moving into working with metal and light. Tim, from London, producing 2 and 3D collage, photography, performance and music. After four years in Spain, a spell in Bali, a return to Spain, and then a few years in London, they are now based at the Zuzushii Art Laboratory, Zoshigaya, Tokyo.
Utilitarian and champions of the home made, they are scavengers and together with their musical arm ZUZUSHIIMONKEY, they use a combination of technologies, disciplines and languages.

Their path is environmental, personal and public.
ZUZUSHIIMONKEY have performed throughout Europe, recorded numerous CDs and DVDs, performed on radio, produced music for films and documentaries, as well as creating sound sculptures for various events.

 

 

 

 

Pick up Girls using the CARVER Matrix

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“If you want to increase your chances of success with women, create situations that lead to these situations.”
David DeAngelo quote

At some point starting during the end of the Vietnam war, the United States special forces began developing a Target Acquisition system that would later go on to be used in the post 9/11 world as a valuable and hyper effective Risk Assessment tool in the war on terror. This tool is the CARVER matrix.

CARVER

-Criticality
-Accessibility
-Recuperability (Return)
-Vulnerability
-Effect
-Recognizability

The dynamics of this system have allowed numerous governments and agency to pre-empt attacks and identify weaknesses in their own systems. It is helping stop terrorism…

…and that’s just great.

But….

….that is not going to help you get in the panties. So, with that thought in mind, we here at Gaijinass have decided to turn our laser like intellects and the power of the CARVER matrix to the task that matters most to the people likely reading past this sentence.

Model based decision-making such as the CARVER matrix is awesome because it eliminates something that invariably screws decisions up and that’s your emotions. It removes them from the situation. You might think you’re smooth and have all the answers but the reality is that you don’t. In fact, what little information you do have is likely counter productive, your “intuition” or “Spidy sense” as you like to call it didn’t help you with that case of herpes now did it? Your defunct inner compass is why you’re still booty calling  that fat chick you met at the Indian Curry buffet from last Easter…and she STILL smells like curry. And that’s fine because we all agree; Indian curry is awesome.
But it’s time to crawl out of your gutter though and let that little light of yours shine.

Go ahead, Hold it high for all to see.

Now, for the purpose of this simulation, we are going to make a few assumptions to keep things streamlined.

  • You are not 50-cent. You’re not Mystery. Nor are you Orlando Bloom.  Conversely, you’re not Carrot Top either. You are an average or slightly above average looking normal guy. You have average to slightly above average game.
  • You are not a crippled beggar on a skateboard. However, you’re not having your Ferrari shipped over here either. You are financially middle class or near that area.
  • You have an average to well below average wang (except for all writers and contributors to this Blog, in which case “diabolically small” might be more appropriate), that is connected to a ferocious sexual appetite with the destructive consumption ability of “The Nothing” from The Never-ending story. Which, by the way, FUCKING ENDED!

"Never-Ending, my ass."

Location

Location Location Location.

It’s true, this is important. Sure, you can just go wander around the grocery store and if you’re there long enough at some point you will meet a sad “divorcy” buying microwave dinners and you might have a shot at a hand job in a filthy Piggly-Wiggly toilet. But if you’re serious about meeting women that DON’T have a plastic appendage or HAVEN’T ever been penetrated by their “sweet lord Satan” then you need to stop hanging out on the sidewalk in front of that mental hospital waiting for someone that doesn’t wear diapers.

Gaijinass currently runs operations out of Tokyo “WTF” Japan so the locations I am going to name and run through the omniscient CARVER Matrix are places an aspiring gentleman or persuasive scumbag might go to make time with a nubile young J-girl. The following locations are:

Target Rich Locations C A R V E R TOTAL
Roppongi 10 10 9 8 9 9 55
Shibuya 8 9 8 8 8 9 50
Shinjuku 7 9 7 7 7 8 45
Ebisu 6 6 4 4 5 7 32
Ikebukuro 7 8 7 7 7 5 41

Based on the Matrix above (sounds fucking cool right? MATRIX) , Roppongi has been awarded the highest points for location. Let us briefly discuss why this is and the considerations made for each component within the system. And I mean briefly. For a long explanation on each component go here kids.

Roppongi is well-known as a foreign culture center in Tokyo and attracts many ex-pats nightly. This in turns attracts the Japanese women intent on meeting them.  Locations to drink, socialize and drink more abound.  So, for total Criticality, Roppongi received the maximum amount of possible points.    It received the same for Accessibility because you could go any night of the week and there will be women drinking there that will immediately have an interest in you because you are not Japanese.   Recuperability (return) scored slightly lower due to the fact that because it has this magnet like quality of foreign guys you will have competition. Although, a scimitar wielding monkey wearing a dead baby for a hat could get phone numbers, the number of women left to drag home at 4 AM will be limited.  Have no fear though, by comparison, you have a much higher chance of whisking home some drunk skank there than in the other locations.

Vulnerability received fewer points, in fact the same amount as Shibuya because the level of difficulty will likely be the same and the amount of time needed to insure your one night stand will also likely be about equal. However it should be less difficult than for example Ikebukuro where you would have to go to 2 or 3 bars and then all night karaoke forcing her to miss her last train insuring she will vomit in your home toilet before passing out so you can -ahem- “pleasure” her at your drunken convenience. 

Effect was high yet again because just the act of you making your sorry way to Roppongi will drastically increase your chances of mission accomplishment i.e. “Panty Droppage”.   Recognizability got high points because you have to be a fool to not see where you should go to talk to women in Roppongi.  Unlike Ebisu for example, the girls in Roppongi are there to PARTY.  They want to drink, have men buy them drinks and then probably chug some cock. The signs are easily Recognizable.

Again in this case, Model Based decision-making and its results run against many a seasoned J-girl hunters instincts.  Many men here, very driven PUA (pick up artist) avoid Roppongi like the plague but most of these motivations come from emotional responses or personal biases.  If those are fairly well removed its clear Roppongi is the place to go.

Read part 2 here.

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Blood types and this entire phenomenon are very popular in Japan.

What type are you?
Does it fit?

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