In life, generally, there is no real prize for being second place.
In the world, the real world, it breaks down in what I call 80/20.
80% of you, that’s 80% of the of everyone you know, essentially looks at themselves as a failure. They never took that big shot. They never went for it. When they did go and test themselves and failed, they just shrug their shoulders:
“Oh well, I tried.”
“Oh well, I gave it my best shot.”
“This just isn’t in me…”
Frankly speaking, that’s crap.
The only thing, the ONLY thing that separates that 80% of normal, average “would-a, could-a, should-a” folks from that top 20% of DOERS and HOT SHOTS are four little letters.
Thats right, WILL.
The WILL to try, and the WILL to change.
People that succeed, most of them don’t do it the first time out. They fail. However, after this failure they look up and think of why they failed, they analyze their mistakes and then take the necessary steps to correct those mistakes and crush their weak points.
What I am telling you is that FAILURE IS A CHOICE.
Start Changing right Now
I have spent my life, literally my life traveling the World and looking for answers, whether I knew it or not. I am only 31 years of age but I have done so much up to this point, when I sit down and reflect on the ebbs and flows of my life or try to imagine my story being written I have to laugh, literally, out loud, because:
If I did write my story, complete and in its entirety NOBODY WOULD BELIEVE IT! It’s actually been that insane at times.
The other amazing fact is that I’m not even close to being finished. I love self discovery and self growth. About a month ago, for reasons I am not quite sure of yet (although I have a basic idea) I decided it was time again to start my next evolution. I was pouring over the journals I keep and considering options and through various routes I found myself making a list of the behaviors that I dislike about myself.
These were mostly silly, small points that are a nuisance when isolated yet when brought together can cause more serious trouble for me. Working together these bad habits can equal the potential failure of a goal or goals I am currently working on.
Let me give you an example.
- going to the local convenience store in the evening to get a drink, a snack or something like that.
- not cooking my big meals because it is a hassle, even though when I cook its dramatically more delicious than most places I go out to eat at! ; )
- shopping at the bigger supermarket instead of the discount market just because they have more pre-made ready to eat type of dishes and just a lot of stuff.
Now, take a look at these. None of these are OMINOUS, end of the WORLD type of bad habits, unless of course… I get shanked at the convenience store by an angry 12 year old at 1 in the morning or, I fall off the escalator in the super market while trying to look up someone skirt (a Behavior I am COMPLETELY FINE WITH!)….so whats the problem?
Well, if one of my Goals now is to save 150,000 yen per month, and it is, and I spend lets say 1,000 yen per day at the 7/11 buying a couple beers and some peanuts, then I’m spending an extra 1000 yen at the bento shop getting my lunch or dinner and then when I make my bi-weekly super market trips I’m spending an extra 3,000 per trip at the big super market just because they have more CRAP I don’t need….that comes out to about an extra 80,000 a month. If I am cooking at home and shopping discount, I have calculated my total food expenditure, not including going to eat with friends etc, because I’d do that regardless, once or twice a week, if I cook at home or not, is only 30,000 yen. That means I am spending…oh sorry…WASTING about 50,000 yen per month, or 500USD per month, literally just wasting it on crap, laziness and MOST IMPORTANTLY, BAD HABITS.
Bad habits are just patterns of behavior that are not conducive to success in your life.
Having said that, now remember that: BAD HABITS ARE JUST PATTERNS OF BEHAVIOR.
So…what are we?
WE ARE HUMANS, WE ARE PEOPLE
People are not things. You are not a NOUN. Get that stupid concept out of your head.
What you ARE is a very complex and ever shifting PROCESS. Thats it. You are a collection of process’ that continually evolve, shift and move. If you think about this you will realize its true.
Now, this is the first and most basic concept of NLP or Neuro-linguistic programming
All your processes and shifting etc are what produce what you consider to be YOUR REALITY. Everyone’s reality is completely unique and there is no way for anyone else to understand yours. This reality you live in is part of the reason you have patterns, positive and negative. Your patterns both negative and positive are triggered by things. Once you understand that you can change things.
- In the evenings, while I am online, reading or watching a Movie, I have a pattern that involves eating. I got this pattern from my father and it is a comfort mechanism. When that certain time in the evening comes, regardless of whether I SHOULD be hungry or not, I feel like I want to eat, because that time on the clock and those activities ie; watching a movie, reading, etc have all been neurologically linked to that by years of defective behaviors that started when I was very young.
- Another example, not my own but very feasible. A man works all day at the office. He comes home tired and unhappy. He sees his wife’s face when he comes in the house. The next day he comes home tired and unhappy and sees his wife’s face, again. next week the same, the next month the same. Pretty soon, ANYTIME HE LOOKS AT HIS WIFE’S FACE he begins to feel TIRED AND UNHAPPY because her face has been neurologically linked to those emotions.
GOT THE MESSAGE NOW?
So much of what you are doing that is self-destructive etc are just bad patterns. The good news is this: It’s frankly, quite easy to change these. I have been doing it to great success. What you do is called a “PATTERN INTERRUPT”.
Try to think of your behaviors are records, LPs. You put them on the turntable and they play. Now, if you were to SCRATCH that record, it couldn’t play, it would be interrupted, and you’d have to change the record.
With NLP, you can do that. Interrupt the record, interrupt your negative patterns.
First however, before we take the next step together, what you should do is make a list of your “Bad Habits.”
Sit down, think about your LIFE GOALS, break them down. Now, look at your patterns of behaviour and find the ones that are NOT CONDUCIVE to your success. Make a long list, even small ones are ok. Being able to IDENTIFY your weak points is what can turn you into a member of that successful 20%!
FAILURE IS A CHOICE!
Keep that list and check back here because I will post the next article about the easy, ten minute exercise you can do to CHANGE YOUR BAD HABITS.